damn this journey!

and i travel the world
listening for words unspoken,
looking for the invisible,
searching for those not lost.

But I continue. To stop is pointless. The world is a vulnerable place. Our minds are a fragile world. I am fragile, I am vulnerable. Paranoia. Fear. Worry. These are my enemies. The demons that stalk me. Our mind is our world. We make of it what we choose. We choose the world we exist in, how it progresses, how we live in it. This, at times, is very unsettling. That is my weakness and the battle I start to lose. But I remind myself the world is a very forgiven place, a very flexible environment, made for change. After all I make of it what I want. We each have our struggles in life. Although I never have had a problem thus far, and the path I travel has provided blessed experiences and lesson, I dare still question whether my journey is the correct one.

There is so much I want to do. So much I want to try. I want to experience it all. With this excitement I sometimes myself miss out on the journey itself. That is when I realize it is times for a pause. A moment of rest. A moment to stop, looking around and realize everything is fucking daisies and lollipops. I take a sniff. I take a lick. I continue.


Half the fun is not knowing. The other half is the battle to embrace that fun.



flobots: handlebars

tears and roller skating

My two best friends came to visit me this weekend. It was a weekend of alcohol, laughter, tears, Shamu, basically just simply friends being friends. Bob is my brother and John John is quickly becoming the same. I cry with them, I laugh with them. We get pissed at each other but never can hate. Bob and I have lasted 10 years. We had out points of lost friendship but we always came back to each other. That is why he truly is my brother. We can annoy the shit out of each other but we have come to realize we can't stay mad at each other. John and I have become close over the years but especially since he moved home. We relate in so many ways, without sometimes even saying a word. Silence can be golden.

Moving to San Diego has made me miss those simple times just hanging out. The after the bar drunk times at the apartment or house of whoever's place is "the place" to go is what I truly miss. Going out is fun. But it is those discreet intimate times that I hold dear and I miss the most.

I came home today at lunch to an empty house. It oddly felt like I lost someone or just broke up with someone. It seemed as though there should have been a "Dear John" letter laying around. A forgotten coat, toiletries that didn't make the cut to go home, trash from the adventures of the weekend all were reminders of my dear visitors. I cried. I missed them and still do. I always miss my friend and family from home. But I got to taste what it was like back home. Experiences that I do not get to enjoy here in San Diego. I couldn't help but cry. Those are such special times to me. Not to be overlooked.


That was me crying.

To try to get my mind off of things I was invited to go roller skating by my friend Quinton. I asked Kelly to join me. I have not been roller skating since I would go to Adult night with Liz and Harris over at the Roller Skating Palace on the Boulevard in NE Philly. I don't even know what grade I was in, I think the end of high school, beginning of college, almost 10 years ago (holy shit). I had so much fun. Grant it I was like the grandma driving her caddie on the highway at 45 miles an hour BUT I did not fall once. Also it didn't seem to annoy people I was going to slow, I think they were a bit more understanding than if I was going 45mph on a highways. (I know myself, I am very unforgiven for anyone driving under 60... and that is being nice). I must say i did a fine job on the skates. No falls. A number of close calls though. Needless to say, I am addicted. I can't wait to go again. I always wanted to have a skating party since I was 25 (no seriously.. I want one now.. fuck when I was a kid. If i fall now I would laugh, if i was a kid I would be mortified!) I look forward to my next roller experience.

San Diego, the new Gay Mecca

I have been surprised about the size of San Diego's gay scene. I knew previous that San Diego had a lot of gay citizens, but i am even more surprised living here. Their pride even is huge, one of the largest in the country. What really brought my attention is seeing the number of gays on Adam4Adam. I decided to check out other cities and see how many people were on in different parts of the country. Grant it, It is 11pm here so 2 am on the east coast, so totals might be off. But None the less San Diego was right up there with NYC, LA and San Fran! Another area that surprised me, Orlando. They had a huge amount of there. If it is more than 500, it will just say 500+. On right on is 143 pages with 12 profiles each in San Diego County.

What makes this even more interesting is that it has a huge HUGE military influence here, both Navy and Marines. Hmmmmmmmm. Interesting indeed.

I feel San Diego is the New San Fran... like Fort Lauderdale is the New SouthBeach (except got as nice and cultured.. .nothing can beat SouthBeach!)

down in the dumps

Allergies suck. The end. I mean what is there to say. I think that sums it up nicely. Short and simple. My generations way of describe anything that is or perceives to be negative.

So If i may... I would like to continue

Allergies suck.(that bad it deserves mentioning again)
Death sucks.
Acne sucks.
Bills suck.
Men suck. (but that is obviously a good thing, depending)
8 to 5 definitely sucks.
Losing weight sucks. (of course gaining it sucks even more)
Corns suck.
Indecisiveness sucks.
Depression sucks.
Politics suck.
Unfolded laundry sucks.
Brazil sucks (not the country, the kid living above us)



Litte Miss Sunshine rocks.
My roommate rocks.
My friends rock. (YAY John and Bob coming this weekend!!!!)
A freshly made bed really really rocks.

Life is a lesson. And I am learning. And when things suck what rocks is I learn from them (hopefully!) As a repeated to me on TV after school and saturday mornings, Knowledge is Power!

One of the songs I am obsessed with, seems fitting



**After watching this video i swear i have seen it before on NewNowNext on Logo months ago.... hmmmm crazy... it is a great program and I always do find bands i fall in love... like MIka!**

Obsessed with Neil Diamond

I have become obsessed with Neil Diamond. I can't stop listening to Pretty amazing grace... hence why it is on my myspace. So I have decided he desires a blog post with his music vid on it.

It semi reminds me of Johnny Cash.

I found out today at work that he was on American Idol singing this same song. I cried. Kididng, I don't mind AI. When I did a video search on youtube, because of my obsession, all they had were him on AI. Luckily I found one of myspace. Enjoy!

Pretty Amazing Grace

I hate Mexican Food

I would like to report the title again for everyone, I hate mexican food. Again, I hate mexican. Oh well.. once more.. I HATE mexican food.

Everytime I eat I go through the same belly hurting pains. And I tell myself I will never ever eat Mexican food again. But I do. It is a life lesson I refuse to truly learn. I think, no this will be good, it sounds good, it must be good. It is never good.

Now.. I love Qdobas. And here in Cali I have fallen for Rubios. But they are like fresh fast Mexicanesque food. Not the true Mexican style that makes you feel like you are about to shit your pants but nothing comes out no matter how hard you push. And your stomach will hurt for the rest of the night. And you gringe and cry and fart and burp and just stink up the whole fucking place. Then after several attempts of just forcing out of your body rectal, it happens. Your ass explodes. It is a nuclear melt down in your toilet. The Mexican Chernobyl. But your survive. The pain retreats. The complaints of Mexican disgust simmer and fade with each day. Then someone says Margaritas and your forget what your ass had gone through. You accept the sound of tequilla, chips and salsa and some burritos with special red sauce. Shampoo, Rinse and repeat.

I hate Mexican food.

Except tortilla chips.. honestly who could hate them.


I also dislike Italian food but at least my anus doesn't mind those tastes. My dislike grows more with Italian everytie I say I don't like Italian food. Why? Because someone always says, you haven't had real italian food. Bull fucking shit! I have had enough Italian food made by Mama Mia to Chef Boyardee to come to realize I don't like Italian food. Mainly it is because I'm not a huge fan of pasta. It's cool. I gave it up a long time ago. I'm like the vegetarian of pasta. But unlike vegetarians, I don't mind dabbing in some every once in awhile. I just personally feel, like white bread, it is one of the worst food for you. Now whole wheat pasta, that's fine. I wouldn't mind Italian food if everything was made with whole wheat pasta. Then again I wish everything was made whole wheat (I know my friends love my philospohy on that! Gotta try my whole wheat pancakes... YUMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMM MMMMMMM Y)

I hate mexican food.

Best part of the night. "Eric," whose real name was Jesse when we went to place our order and asked corn or flour, decided to add in there" Our flour is made with LARD" Who the fuck will then turn around and say, oh yeah give me the flour tortillas! Hell yeah I want some LARD bread. Crackhead. I mean he was but it wasn't just that moment in our Mexican dinner evening. He just wasn't good at his job. Wasn't a bad person, kind of funny actually. Just waitering is not his calling.... especially at the apparently Mexican LARD Cafe.

unexpected

I went on a date yesterday. I haven't been on a REAL date in a while. I did not have the mind set until of dating. I am a traveler. And although I would love to be traveling with someone very close and dear to me, I have accepted that these experience are for me to enjoy on my own. I am to learn about myself. Well, maybe not. A Date. Honestly. Seriously! How come when you are not thinking about it, and it is the fartherest thing from you mind... BAM you get slammed with it. I'm not unhappy about it. It was a great date. Toooooo great. I just don't get life sometimes.


Unrelated...

The best invention in the world are those paper toilet seat covers. I'm not joking. I have decided today that is THEE best invention God has ever inspired someone to create. Fuck artificial valves and x-rays. Thats just bullshit. Toilet seat covers... now that's important. It is up there right next to butt wipes and silicone based lube. I mean no, they are not necessarily going to save lives. They do however make life so much more enjoyable! What else in life do you need... besides food... and water.... and ox y gen. I will say though... i don't get the middle part of toilet seat covers. I mean you have to tear them off anyway, why even put them on there. It is more of an annoyance then a convenience.


Dating and pooping.
Why
why are they in the same post.

It just doesn't make sense.




Exactly.

Dueling Pianos

Tonight I stepped foot into a dueling piano bar named Shout House. Now where I am from piano bar = gay bar (oh I do miss Tavern) Dueling pianos though also remind me of when all my friend and I went to Vegas, stayed at Treasure Island, and went to watch their dueling piano show. (And I later messed around with one of the pianist.. i don't think anyone knows that though).

This place was awesome. It was a fellow traveling RN's last weekend in town so we went there to celebrate. It is a big deal. You bond quickly with fellow travelers. They are your family and your friends in the strange land you chose to embark to.

My favorite jokes from them that really made me crack up...(their theme for them was gang bang)

Knock Knock...
(who's there)
Little boy Blue
(little boy blue who)
Little Boy Blue Michael jackson


and

Knock Knock
(who's there)
Gladiator
(gladiator who)
Gladiator before the gang bang



I must admit though. This is dedicate to my friend Jeannette. Out of all my friends I feel she would really enjoy this. That's a live Dann Bove would too, maybe even more. I chose Jeannette though because at one point they sang Oasis, Wonderwall. That song will eternally remind me of Netter.

I miss you Jeannette... as I do all my friends!



no this is not from the dueling piano show.. it's just so you too can relive this song

inspiration upon a toilet

As I debated the past couple of days whether to really start a blog, I fnally decided to actually set it up. I couldn't decided the title or even what to call the link. So I sat and pondered between my patients with a blank mind.

Then, I had to poo.

And as I sat on the toilet, the inspiration for the blog all came to me. And I was happy.

Sometimes it takes a little movement to cause a flood of inspiration.

:-D I'm sick.