the date

Last night the date that I move back home was narrowed down, It will either be September 10 or 11th. A bittersweet day. All my life I wonder what it would be like to live in other parts of the country and world. To submerge myself in the culture of different cities, to experience daily life as those living there experience. Nursing I knew would provide that opportunity for me and it has. San Diego has been my first stop. I have fallen in love with San Diego. It comes as no surprise. 5 months into it, I have learned so much about life here and California. Indeed, I claim to be no expert on the city. I struggle though. As i fulfill a life long dream to travel there are many hardships.

Friends. It is easy for me to make friends, I never fear not being able to. What is hard is leaving my friends back home. I miss them terribly. To have the comfort of someone knowing your life for years, that knows everything about you and how you have become who you are, that is something that you can't just easily walk away from. I knew this would be difficult for me. My friends back home have been a support for me during some of my most difficult times in my life. The death of my mom, my struggles with depression, coming out, they were there for me during those times. I found support from my friends when I couldn't with my family. To have them so far away and not be able to see them whenever I want, is a tremendous challenge for myself. When I am sad and confused, it is them I want to go to and lean on.

Travel or Stay. My goal is to travel and experience the culture of cities. I have started to find my nitch here in San Diego. Is this where I see myself spending the rest of my life? No. But I don't feel my time is necessarily up here. I want to tell myself I will come back when I come home but then I also feel I am not allowing myself the opportunity to really explore other cities. I love to travel. A few years ago, once I actually had a full time job, I set a goal to travel somewhere once a season. Vacation though is very limiting, you see everything that city has to show in a few short days but not actually how that city truly lives. I don't always feel you get to know the place you travel if all you do is the tourist traps. However, I accept that in traveling and still enjoy seeing what any place I go has to offer

I am stuck. I am going home. Happy, happy to be able to hang out with bob and john john watching some silly gay movie until the middle of the night. Take a random walk with Jeannette that will be further than expected. Drive down to MD to see Jilly and MegHan. And the countless other special encounters i get with my dear friends. But i will miss those friends I have made out here, who have welcomed me into their lives, Who call me friend. The desire to live in other parts of the country overpowering, Meet new people, new friends to share my life with. All this and I still yearn to have someone special share in my experiences with me. As I get older, I want more and more something serious and real. It is also hard to travel because I am getting tired of my job, working the bedside. I feel drained, uninterested and understimulated. I need some more.

It is all overwhelming at times.

I have a lot of options, which I enjoy having. However, It doesn't help focus which way to go. So i try to take one day at a time and see where I end up. If I fall in love on the way so be it. If I find a job that ends up being my passion, kudos to me. I just have to stay focus and keep positive, which can be hard. I have this opportunity many do not and I need to take advantage of it.

So game plan as of now.

Leave San Diego and go home to Philly for the fall. Go Per Diem at Hahnemann.
December or January go to Florida Keys for an assignemnt
After 3 months, move back to San Diego and take a full time job possibly as a home health nurse, something completely different.

That is my tentative plan. Who knows what God has in store fo rme

(Speaking of God, I went to mass for the second time! Went to a Church in Old Town. It wasn't as nice as the mass at the mission, but still interesting)