2009

I knew from the get go 2009 would be an interesting year. I think today was a true example of how this year will turn on. I was awaken from slumber by the nurse recruiter from Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. She was calling to extend an offer to join the OR in their Spring PeriOperative Training Program. After waiting for over a week I finally got the official answer. I was overjoyed. It comes though in the wake of a week ending with Brady Hick's sister and John John's uncle passing away. Infact with the morning bring news of my new employment, the night brought the viewing of Tyler Hicks, Brady's sister. It was hard to accept congratulations from my friends surrrounded by such mourning and knowing a friend's sister will be buried tomorrow. But this is the 2009 I have expected.

I knew my life will be a challenge but with a bright strong light just ahead. I have accepted my troubles, struggles but with a knowledge that this will be temporary. I my life will start low but only build. Although I did not expect the death of Brady's sister, I know that John andhis family will face multiple deaths, as we entered 2009 with his Uncle and Grandma with terminal cancer, his father with severe liver problems and his other grandma constantly in and out of the hospital with her dementia. There is no doubt there will be unexpected surprises, good and bad, like Brady's sister. Like I told Gabe, this will be a year of deaths. Not that that is necessarily a bad thing. There has been a lot of births and marriages, familys growing. The past few years have brought family growth. Deaths, sickness and seperations have been far and few in between and overcast by the time of unity. One could say it has been a time of prosperity. But I guess in line with economy, mere chance i believe with no relation, there is a start of decline. (Of course the economy is more like a complete bottoming out!) With such strong growth there must be a time of death.

As for me, although I continue to struggle. I have made my goal of 2009 to overcome my depression completely, to change my mental habits. I plan to really focus on changing how I handle stress and how to break free of the constant onsets of depression I get into. I have entered 2009 with 2 positives, a wonderful relationship and the prospect of a new career in Nursing. The relationship still continues strong and the possiblity of working in a new field of nursing is confirmed, I have a greater sense of excitement for 2009 and what it has in store for me. I never before have been in such a depth of depression but yet had such a strong faith and true belief that things are getting better. I am accepting my struggles of the moment and learning from them. Understanding that this is part of my sacrifice for a better future. I must also admit with the election of Obama to presidency there is such a great sense of future change towards the positive. I feel inspired by him and aligned with his hope for a better and different tomorrow.

What makes this morning 11:55 phone call even more interesting is the fact that last night was the first time I celebrated the CHinese New Year. Gabe, John, Dan and myself all went down to Chinatown to see the Lion Dances and celebrate the CHinese New Year.

I must say with all that has occured over the past days and weeks, I find it exciting. Yes although I am the one not faced with deaths, I still find it interesting how life works. I do believe things happen because of a reason, a plan. There are paths are set for us and although our free choice made lead us down another path, things work out in the end. FOr example, although I free like I should not have left San Diego, I did for a reason. I am now with Gabe and going to make a much needed and yearned for change in my career. If it were meant for me to be back in San Diego, than life would have presented itself to be that case. I still struggle with being back home and still feel a draw to San Diego and California, but I can only hope that one day I will be back there. However being with Gabe feels right. Plus I find it more than just mere chance that I feel into a job at CHildren's Hospital's OR. Life works in mysterious ways, and although I get overwhelmed by the mystery, I also get excited by them.

Tonight ended with Kat her bf Dan, John and I standing in the parking lot of St Katerine of Sienna's parking lot, which was right next to the funeral home. We decided to go out to eat. Our relationship with Kat has been interesting over the past several years, with great deterioation, mostly by her choice. We never knew quite the reasons. We also have constantly spoken of given up on her but never truly have in our hearts. We went to TGIF's in Bensalem and were later joined by Lauren Winkler, Dan and Bob. It was an old group of friends who have come together. I found it to be a prised moment for the new year. With unity comes seperation, with a departure comes an arrival. It is constant flow, a cycle.

History

I witnessed history yesterday. Barrack Obama was sworn in as the 44th President, and more historically, the first African American President. I often was astonished by all the events my parents and grandparents have bare witnessed to in their lifetimes. I do not overlook any event that has occurred in the 27 years I was born. My first memory being the Space shuttle Challenger explosion. But yesterday, yesterday was different. A moment that will spark, or hope to spark, change throughout our great nation, politically and culturally. A positive change. I hope for a new dawn. It seemed perfect timing. I have to wonder if the failures, the vastness unmeasurable, of President Bush help stir the need for such a desire for change throughout this land. It is this desire that helped Barrack Obama come to be elected.

I have never once doubted I would see in my lifetime the first black president, just like I know one day I will see the first female president. (I am still a solid supporter of Hillary Clinton!) I know I am of a different generation. A generation that was raised on the belief of equality. Such a belief that previous generations fought so hard to achieve. What they did not realize, is their goal was already achieved. What they fought so hard for, was a truth in my generation's mind. It is only now, that I have realized this.Still, the inauguration of the first African American president is a great achievement and step in the fight for equality.

What is sad is I question whether I will see in my lifetime the first openly gay president. I believe I will but it is still with hesitation I hold that belief. The challenges the gay community face still are overwhelming. A belief that the LGBT community does not deserve the same rights as Heterosexuals is held strong in teh minds of many citizens. Our struggles are not only against individuals, but churches. Organized Religion remains the biggest supporter of anti-homosexual agenda. Not to say, there are churches and religious communities who support homosexuals, but they are most certainly out-weighed.

I would love to be the first openly Gay President. I guess I would have to get into politics first. My friends laugh at such a prospect. I do feel I was intended for greater good. I know I may not be ready for such steps. However, I also know I have not made any efforts to change. Maybe it is time. Maybe 2009 will provide me the opportunities to change. Maybe with the election of Obama, the election of change and hope, will keep it's spark alive in me.

A segment from my facebook..

Matthew joined the group 1,000,000 Strong to Strip the Mormon Church of its Tax Exempt Status. 7:12am - Comment - Show Comments (8)Hide Comments (8)

Jilly Harrigan at 8:35am January 21
May I ask why?

Matthew Kalinowsky at 2:21pm January 21
for funding support for Prop 8 in california

Sean Stidham at 2:38pm January 21
Matt when people ask why, let them know they fueled an out of state campaign to take away the rights we already had to marry. Even knowing that the campaign grossly lied, mislead the public and exploited children, they still asked their members to go above and beyond to stop gay marriage and poured millions of dollars into the campaign. They more than crossed the line legally and morally.

Jilly Harrigan at 2:52pm January 21
Matt's answer was good enough for me

Meghan Hunt at 3:03pm January 21
Well, by Sean's reasoning, then we should really start rallying to strip the Catholic Church of its tax exempt status, don't you think? And any other church who has tax exempt status under the 503(c)(3) standard.

Religious zealots will pay money to further their cause...I don't agree with it, but don't single out the Mormon church when there are hundreds of others out there who do the same thing. Be fair - strip them all.

Matthew Kalinowsky at 3:32pm January 21
oh meg i agree.. i think they all SHOULD have their tax exempt status taking away. (What better time for politicians to make the move than a failing economy!) But because of recent highly coordinated and directed efforts on the Mormon church towards the LGBT community, we feel it rightfully so to start with them. Any church or organization that wants to financially support the efforts that deny rights to any human being should not be allowed to than turn around and qualify to be tax exemption. Churches have gone to far and if the LGBT community has to be the one to finally step up to the plates, mostly because of being targeted by the religious community, than we must take up this challenge.

Basically... if you didn't want to read all that... the Mormon church will be the scapegoats. We got to start somewhere!

Meghan Hunt at 3:37pm January 21
I completely agree. :) And I find it beautifully ironic that a church will be used as a scapegoat - any church, really, because yes, I am that much of an agnostic. :D

Did you see today that Obama is freezing and cutting the salaries of key lobbyists and aides in the White House and he's making them to go ethics training? How great is that?! DC is so clogged it needs a political enema just to breathe again - hopefully the Obama administration will be the saline solution it needs (and yes, that was a poor analogy, but I made it just for you, Mr. Nurse man - because I love you).

Matthew Kalinowsky at 4:02pm January 21
More and more I have falling in love with Obama, especially today with his executive orders. I was still a little unsure whether he would truly foster the needed change, but I am a true believer! (I am particularly thrilled with his renewable energy policies, for the environment is a golden cause of mine )

I must admit ... a good poop reference, including enemas, is always welcomed !!! May I suggest though a milk & honey enema (yes i have seen, luckily not on my patient, such an order in the hospital), i feel it is all natural way to flush out the impurities in Washington.

A Dream

I had an interesting dream during a long nap today, thursday. It has been on my mind all day.

It took place in my yard, my actually yard. These two similiar looking lost cats showed up. They looked siamese but an orange base color, and their hair shaven in the back. Beside me was our old family cat, Mother Cat or Kit. She had two names, mostly Mother Cat though because when my parents found her she had kittens and every year that we had her she would pop more out. Anyways back to the dream. At the same time i noticed the lost cats, Mother Cat did as well and started hissing and getting all upset. She than darted to attack but instead of attacking the twin cats she attacked another cat that was hidden in grass watching them. I never saw they other cat, only Kit did and chased the cat off. She still was a little aggravated with the new cats but never attacked them. I was able to pick them up and noticed they had multiple tags, one having the name and number of the owner. I then remember thinking how excited the owners will be to know i found them and how they looked like they were lost for awhile. I than proceeded to call the owners.

The End.

That is where the dreams fades to an end. It was a quick dream, but very vivid. I tried using some online dream dictionaries to help decipher the meaning. I never dreamed of Mother Cat before and she died a long long time ago, well over 10 years ago. Other parts have baffled me as well. Like what the possible meaning of Kit attacking the unseen cat. Also why there were two lost cats.

I am a man of symbolism and meaning, both in life and dreams. A dream so vivid and unique, I can't help but wonder, what does it all mean.