2009

I knew from the get go 2009 would be an interesting year. I think today was a true example of how this year will turn on. I was awaken from slumber by the nurse recruiter from Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. She was calling to extend an offer to join the OR in their Spring PeriOperative Training Program. After waiting for over a week I finally got the official answer. I was overjoyed. It comes though in the wake of a week ending with Brady Hick's sister and John John's uncle passing away. Infact with the morning bring news of my new employment, the night brought the viewing of Tyler Hicks, Brady's sister. It was hard to accept congratulations from my friends surrrounded by such mourning and knowing a friend's sister will be buried tomorrow. But this is the 2009 I have expected.

I knew my life will be a challenge but with a bright strong light just ahead. I have accepted my troubles, struggles but with a knowledge that this will be temporary. I my life will start low but only build. Although I did not expect the death of Brady's sister, I know that John andhis family will face multiple deaths, as we entered 2009 with his Uncle and Grandma with terminal cancer, his father with severe liver problems and his other grandma constantly in and out of the hospital with her dementia. There is no doubt there will be unexpected surprises, good and bad, like Brady's sister. Like I told Gabe, this will be a year of deaths. Not that that is necessarily a bad thing. There has been a lot of births and marriages, familys growing. The past few years have brought family growth. Deaths, sickness and seperations have been far and few in between and overcast by the time of unity. One could say it has been a time of prosperity. But I guess in line with economy, mere chance i believe with no relation, there is a start of decline. (Of course the economy is more like a complete bottoming out!) With such strong growth there must be a time of death.

As for me, although I continue to struggle. I have made my goal of 2009 to overcome my depression completely, to change my mental habits. I plan to really focus on changing how I handle stress and how to break free of the constant onsets of depression I get into. I have entered 2009 with 2 positives, a wonderful relationship and the prospect of a new career in Nursing. The relationship still continues strong and the possiblity of working in a new field of nursing is confirmed, I have a greater sense of excitement for 2009 and what it has in store for me. I never before have been in such a depth of depression but yet had such a strong faith and true belief that things are getting better. I am accepting my struggles of the moment and learning from them. Understanding that this is part of my sacrifice for a better future. I must also admit with the election of Obama to presidency there is such a great sense of future change towards the positive. I feel inspired by him and aligned with his hope for a better and different tomorrow.

What makes this morning 11:55 phone call even more interesting is the fact that last night was the first time I celebrated the CHinese New Year. Gabe, John, Dan and myself all went down to Chinatown to see the Lion Dances and celebrate the CHinese New Year.

I must say with all that has occured over the past days and weeks, I find it exciting. Yes although I am the one not faced with deaths, I still find it interesting how life works. I do believe things happen because of a reason, a plan. There are paths are set for us and although our free choice made lead us down another path, things work out in the end. FOr example, although I free like I should not have left San Diego, I did for a reason. I am now with Gabe and going to make a much needed and yearned for change in my career. If it were meant for me to be back in San Diego, than life would have presented itself to be that case. I still struggle with being back home and still feel a draw to San Diego and California, but I can only hope that one day I will be back there. However being with Gabe feels right. Plus I find it more than just mere chance that I feel into a job at CHildren's Hospital's OR. Life works in mysterious ways, and although I get overwhelmed by the mystery, I also get excited by them.

Tonight ended with Kat her bf Dan, John and I standing in the parking lot of St Katerine of Sienna's parking lot, which was right next to the funeral home. We decided to go out to eat. Our relationship with Kat has been interesting over the past several years, with great deterioation, mostly by her choice. We never knew quite the reasons. We also have constantly spoken of given up on her but never truly have in our hearts. We went to TGIF's in Bensalem and were later joined by Lauren Winkler, Dan and Bob. It was an old group of friends who have come together. I found it to be a prised moment for the new year. With unity comes seperation, with a departure comes an arrival. It is constant flow, a cycle.