Experience Matt

Maui

2009-12-09T01:15:00.001-08:00

Sun filled day today. Finally got to go swimming and was unexpectedly joined by some sea turtles. The water wasn't too clear so it was hard to keep track of there whereabouts. But how awesome.

Took the ferry over to Maui at sunset. What an experience! I think any visit to the Hawaiian Islands needs to include a ferry ride!! I lost my whale sightseeing virginity on the ride too! They were off in the distance but we go to see them jump out of the water and multiple blowhole moments.

Maui seems amazing. I can't wait to see what it looks like in the daylight. We are in Lahaina. Cute town. It is very tourist and a hell of a lot different than Molakai.

This vacation has been perfect.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Beautiful

2009-12-09T01:07:00.001-08:00

Monday, Dec 7th

It rained most of the day, but that didn't stop me from being awe striking but the beauty of Malakai. Today was my first full day on the island. Melanie had to teach. After I dropped her off at school I picked up Kev at the hospital. He worked night shift. He ended up staying up most of the day, at least until we picked Mel up at the end of school.

He took me up to Kala something lookout. I couldn't see a thing from the mist/rain. However it was still beautiful. The wind carried the rain up the cliff so it looked like it was raining upwards. Remarkable sight. The forest we hiked through had piney type trees and the rainy weather made the forest look soft and blended together, almost like a water color painting.

We made our way to the east side of the island. The rain had stopped but still very wet and overcast. The end of the road to the east side leads you to Halawai valley. It's some challenging driving but the scenery is beautiful. As you wind around into the valley you are greeted with such a jaw dropping view. In the distance, set back into the valley, were three waterfalls. Even though it was misty it was still beautiful. I didn't want to leave the little pull off on the side of the road. The sight was spectacular. That made the trip!

We have been very productive in see what the island has to offer, which isn't much. Tomorow might have to be a day of rest. I'm exhausted from all the traveling and lack of sleep. I can tell it is starting to affect my body. Tomorrow will be a day of rest.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Vaca!

2009-12-03T04:15:00.001-08:00

Currently at the Philly airport waiting for my flight to San Diego. I can't wait! I'm a little nervous for my emotional wellbeing though... This will be my first time there since I moved home. I am afraid once I am there again I won't want to come back home and actually make me more depressed once I do get home!!!!

I'm only on San D for 3 days than head off to Malakai, HI to visit Kev and Melanie! It's my first time to Hawaii and what makes it really cool is that it isn't a tourist vacation. I'm going to hang out on an island that is rarely visited by tourist. I will get to experence true Hawaii!!!! How awesome is that, to see a place as it truly is and not all on display.

I'm stoked.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

hmmm

2009-04-08T18:41:00.000-07:00

It is interesting grewing up. I look at the past and think what great times. Ironically, during those past times I was hoping for a better future. So one would think if my past looked forward to the future and present misses the past, shouldn't that place me somewhere around yesterday in my mentality.

Perfect Day

2009-03-09T19:01:00.000-07:00

Today I must say was a perfect day. I didn't realize how perfect today was until I arrived home.

It started out by waking up next to my boyfriend, Gabe, which is always a wonderful thing.

I then ate my favorite cereal, Peanut Butter Captain Crunch. Seriously, that and Mueslix I could eat everyday all day and not get sick of them.

I had a nice enjoyable smooth ride on Patco and Septa Market-Frankford Line. First half of the journey shared with by Gabe.

Today was my first official day at CHOP, nothing but hospital orientation, but still, my first full day as a CHOP employee technically. The orientation was awesome. I didn't fall asleep once! I normally hate hospital orientation because they are incredibly boring, not this one. I also fallen in love with CHOP. Just leaving about everything they do, but in particular their dedication to being eco-friendly is awesome. They gave all the employees this nice CHOP snow globe. And to top it all off the orientation ended early.

After orientation I went to center city and meet up with Gabe at Cosi's. We were soon joined by Dan. The weather was beautiful, sunny and cool around 55. After hanging out at COsi's we walked over to Maoz. A fast food fallafel restaurant that I love but havent been to in a lonnnng time.

Once we finished at Maoz, we all departed. I walked Gabe to his meeting than go on the train home. Even than, I put on my iphone to listen to music and the best songs came on.

Everything good just seemed to happen.

Even while sitting at Cosi's I had the snowglobe out to show Gabe. A lady walked buy and asked where I got it and here she helped design it. How random!

Also Stephen Miller had walked by (but he wasn't drunk!).

Run-ins like that to always are cool and make the day feel special.

I loved today.

Support Group

2009-02-05T19:06:00.000-08:00

A few years ago my then doctor said that if i was to go on antidepressants again she wanted me to stay on them for good. I couldn't accept that amendment. That is when I think I officially wanted to try to mentally win my war with depression. Really, a useless battle, but one I want to, and need to try to accomplish. Needless to say I'm still failing at it. I'm knowingly failing at it though. I become fully aware of my depressive states, and learned my clues to the downward spiral. I also knows what I physically can do to make sure I refrain from falling. There are a combination of things I need to do, nutritionally, physically and spiritually. I know it is time to take this serious. Grant it, I'm not saying medications does not work. They do. But I feel it is a cover. I want to try to accomplish this on my own, like any diagnosis my doctor may give me. I prefer to not to just start taking a pill to mask the symptoms. So often Mental Health is compared to being diagnosed with Diabetes. I don't know why, diabetes is always used. Sometimes, other diseases are thrown out there, but diabetes seems like the number 1 prefer comparison by the Depressed and Bipolar. I do not challenge this and fully accept it. However, my response if the doctor told me I had diabetes would be: what diet modifications and lifestyle changes would I have to make to better control my blood sugar. Unfortunately not as much is known on what brain chemistry is off with depressed individuals. I partly feel it is both a chemical imbalance but also poor coping habits. I want to try to break my habits of when I get depressed. I must sharpen my mental acuity though. I have been lazy with it all. I have ended up where I'm at in part because i let myself get to this point. If i really want to keep on top of this, I need to keep on top of those things that help me prevent and overcome depressive states. A support group I feel will help me keep myself in check. I feel it will help remind me of my condition, thereby making sure I keep up with my preventative measures. I have been dealing with this for 10 years and I know it won't be easy. However, I know better habits won't just help me with depression but help me live healthier, stay in shape and focus my spirituality. It is like a major overhaul. I can only hope I stay focus. It will be difficult, getting motivated is my toughest task.

It wasn't hard for me to go the the support group, although I was nervous. It is hard to get me motivated to do something when I don't have anything to do. Without set tasks or scheduled events (whether it be work, meeting, or gay square dancing) I otherwise just lay in bed all day. I have wasted months so far. I allowed myself to soak in my depression and almost use it as an excuse. No longer. I know I have a light at the end of my tunnel, and always believed that throughout my depressive state. That is something I have learned from my many depressive times, it will get better. I know what this light for this particular tunnel too. First, a change in seasons. This means more available outdoor activities. The second is a new job, which means a shift in career and steady flow of money. However,instead of laying around waiting for it to approach, I want to get that light here faster. Obviously I can not change the weather nor when I start at CHOP, but I can make myself feel better. I can do something with my days instead of letting them go by. Today's step was the support group.

I found the support group online. It is called New Beginnings and meet at a Lutheran Church in Magnolia here in Jersey. I most admit I am impressed with the Lutherans, they seem so community based and supportive. The Independence Squares meet at a Lutheran Church in the city. If I didn't question the divinity of Christ, than I would probably look into the Lutheran church. However, I will stick with learning more about the Quakers and Unitarian Univeralist. My goal with my spirituality this year is go to regular worship services.

What is interesting about most support groups for people who suffer from Depression,is that we are always clumped together with Bipolars. Emotional Support group for those suffering from Bipolar and Depression is the subtitle of most support groups. I see the similarities. I accept it. I just find it interesting we are always put together. I guess we need all the people as possible.

There is another group, Pink and Blues, that meet in the city for those in the LGBT community who suffer from Depression and/or it's cousin Bipolar. I checked this oNew Beginnings out first because it seems like has been around longer and a bit more organized. I think I will still check out Pink and Blues, afterall they do have a cute title! It will come down to the members and who I feel are most supportive.

I am excited about this new adventure in life I will start on.

Night three of Insomnia

2009-02-04T23:36:00.000-08:00

After many years of late nights, I have fully accepted the fact that I am a creature of the night. Although, those that see me in the morning may disagree based on how I can be so perky and awake. The past three nights truly proved to be more than just a late night, it has been down right insomnia. I feel wide awake and ready to take on the world. I almost wish I felt this energetic during the day, maybe I would accomplish more, by more I really mean something, anything. I did clean my bedroom today, Kudos to me. The fact that the majority of my shifts are night shifts, 11p-7a or the dreaded 12 hr shifts 7p-7a, doesn't help. I never had a problem with recovery, until now. In fact I have been doing night shifts since June without a problem. Oddly when I worked at Scripps, I barely slept even when I got home. I think that is in part because it was summer and I was in California, who had time to sleep. Now it is winter and I'm back home in dreary Philadelphia. I have noticed that I do tend to sleep more during the day in general now. I'm a poor winter person. I think I have too strong of a hibernation instinct in me. However, back to point, I have always able to adjust sleeping and fall asleep by 1 or 2, my regular chosen bedtime, sometimes later if out or plane refuse to go to sleep. These past 3 days have been different. I have been wide awake. In fact yesterday I slept, "slept", over Gabe's and didn't actually go to sleep until 430-5. I wasn't really tired I pretty much forced myself to try to sleep, which never really works but seemed to this time. I debated just staying up until he had to go to work. When he woke me up around 620 to say good bye, I awoke as if I slept for days and was completely rejuvenated. I didn't even start to feel the lest bit tired until 2 in the afternoon and than I just went with to see if i could fall asleep. I did, until 6. A mere 4 hours and I still feel wide awake. I blame working two 12hour night shifts saturday and sunday, and then sleeping all day monday until 5pm. I think tomorrow night I will just pop some Bennies just to make sure I fall asleep. Bendadryl doesn't ever make me sleepy except when I lay down to actually fall asleep. Works for me.

Tonight. I hung out with John John. He needed some company, his grandma passed away monday morning, a little after midnight. We walked around the city for about an hour trying to find some place to eat. Gabe met up with us around 845 and we ended up at Pietros. After dinner, went back to John John's and watched Mamma Mia. Awesome movie. I am a sucker for musicals, especially movie musicals. I want a greek wedding, with people dancing and singing and a church on rocks sticking out of the ocean. To top the night off I ended my good night to Gabe with I love you.

The I love you should be a whole other blog, but since I am awake and typing I will just go with it.

I know I was feeling the Love but just hadn't been saying it. I already in my mind established him as my third love. John, Mike and now Gabe. So if in my head i saw him on the same levels as John and Mike than why should I not just tell him that I feel that strongly about him. I think about him when I wake up and right before I fall asleep. I cherish my time with him, and when I am not with him I feel uninspired and lifeless. He fills me with joy and happiness. we are an odd couple, odd as really just goofy, but that is why I enjoy us. I am excited about this relationship and watching it grow! The only thing that really kept me is if it was the right time, didn't want to stay it too soon. Not that that really mattered, he had already dropped it in the middle of January. I was going to wait until Valetine's Day, but that's cheesy. I just went with it tonight. Kudos to me again!

2009

2009-01-26T21:12:00.000-08:00

I knew from the get go 2009 would be an interesting year. I think today was a true example of how this year will turn on. I was awaken from slumber by the nurse recruiter from Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. She was calling to extend an offer to join the OR in their Spring PeriOperative Training Program. After waiting for over a week I finally got the official answer. I was overjoyed. It comes though in the wake of a week ending with Brady Hick's sister and John John's uncle passing away. Infact with the morning bring news of my new employment, the night brought the viewing of Tyler Hicks, Brady's sister. It was hard to accept congratulations from my friends surrrounded by such mourning and knowing a friend's sister will be buried tomorrow. But this is the 2009 I have expected.

I knew my life will be a challenge but with a bright strong light just ahead. I have accepted my troubles, struggles but with a knowledge that this will be temporary. I my life will start low but only build. Although I did not expect the death of Brady's sister, I know that John andhis family will face multiple deaths, as we entered 2009 with his Uncle and Grandma with terminal cancer, his father with severe liver problems and his other grandma constantly in and out of the hospital with her dementia. There is no doubt there will be unexpected surprises, good and bad, like Brady's sister. Like I told Gabe, this will be a year of deaths. Not that that is necessarily a bad thing. There has been a lot of births and marriages, familys growing. The past few years have brought family growth. Deaths, sickness and seperations have been far and few in between and overcast by the time of unity. One could say it has been a time of prosperity. But I guess in line with economy, mere chance i believe with no relation, there is a start of decline. (Of course the economy is more like a complete bottoming out!) With such strong growth there must be a time of death.

As for me, although I continue to struggle. I have made my goal of 2009 to overcome my depression completely, to change my mental habits. I plan to really focus on changing how I handle stress and how to break free of the constant onsets of depression I get into. I have entered 2009 with 2 positives, a wonderful relationship and the prospect of a new career in Nursing. The relationship still continues strong and the possiblity of working in a new field of nursing is confirmed, I have a greater sense of excitement for 2009 and what it has in store for me. I never before have been in such a depth of depression but yet had such a strong faith and true belief that things are getting better. I am accepting my struggles of the moment and learning from them. Understanding that this is part of my sacrifice for a better future. I must also admit with the election of Obama to presidency there is such a great sense of future change towards the positive. I feel inspired by him and aligned with his hope for a better and different tomorrow.

What makes this morning 11:55 phone call even more interesting is the fact that last night was the first time I celebrated the CHinese New Year. Gabe, John, Dan and myself all went down to Chinatown to see the Lion Dances and celebrate the CHinese New Year.

I must say with all that has occured over the past days and weeks, I find it exciting. Yes although I am the one not faced with deaths, I still find it interesting how life works. I do believe things happen because of a reason, a plan. There are paths are set for us and although our free choice made lead us down another path, things work out in the end. FOr example, although I free like I should not have left San Diego, I did for a reason. I am now with Gabe and going to make a much needed and yearned for change in my career. If it were meant for me to be back in San Diego, than life would have presented itself to be that case. I still struggle with being back home and still feel a draw to San Diego and California, but I can only hope that one day I will be back there. However being with Gabe feels right. Plus I find it more than just mere chance that I feel into a job at CHildren's Hospital's OR. Life works in mysterious ways, and although I get overwhelmed by the mystery, I also get excited by them.

Tonight ended with Kat her bf Dan, John and I standing in the parking lot of St Katerine of Sienna's parking lot, which was right next to the funeral home. We decided to go out to eat. Our relationship with Kat has been interesting over the past several years, with great deterioation, mostly by her choice. We never knew quite the reasons. We also have constantly spoken of given up on her but never truly have in our hearts. We went to TGIF's in Bensalem and were later joined by Lauren Winkler, Dan and Bob. It was an old group of friends who have come together. I found it to be a prised moment for the new year. With unity comes seperation, with a departure comes an arrival. It is constant flow, a cycle.

History

2009-01-21T14:50:00.000-08:00

I witnessed history yesterday. Barrack Obama was sworn in as the 44th President, and more historically, the first African American President. I often was astonished by all the events my parents and grandparents have bare witnessed to in their lifetimes. I do not overlook any event that has occurred in the 27 years I was born. My first memory being the Space shuttle Challenger explosion. But yesterday, yesterday was different. A moment that will spark, or hope to spark, change throughout our great nation, politically and culturally. A positive change. I hope for a new dawn. It seemed perfect timing. I have to wonder if the failures, the vastness unmeasurable, of President Bush help stir the need for such a desire for change throughout this land. It is this desire that helped Barrack Obama come to be elected.

I have never once doubted I would see in my lifetime the first black president, just like I know one day I will see the first female president. (I am still a solid supporter of Hillary Clinton!) I know I am of a different generation. A generation that was raised on the belief of equality. Such a belief that previous generations fought so hard to achieve. What they did not realize, is their goal was already achieved. What they fought so hard for, was a truth in my generation's mind. It is only now, that I have realized this.Still, the inauguration of the first African American president is a great achievement and step in the fight for equality.

What is sad is I question whether I will see in my lifetime the first openly gay president. I believe I will but it is still with hesitation I hold that belief. The challenges the gay community face still are overwhelming. A belief that the LGBT community does not deserve the same rights as Heterosexuals is held strong in teh minds of many citizens. Our struggles are not only against individuals, but churches. Organized Religion remains the biggest supporter of anti-homosexual agenda. Not to say, there are churches and religious communities who support homosexuals, but they are most certainly out-weighed.

I would love to be the first openly Gay President. I guess I would have to get into politics first. My friends laugh at such a prospect. I do feel I was intended for greater good. I know I may not be ready for such steps. However, I also know I have not made any efforts to change. Maybe it is time. Maybe 2009 will provide me the opportunities to change. Maybe with the election of Obama, the election of change and hope, will keep it's spark alive in me.

A segment from my facebook..

Matthew joined the group 1,000,000 Strong to Strip the Mormon Church of its Tax Exempt Status. 7:12am - Comment - Show Comments (8)Hide Comments (8)

Jilly Harrigan at 8:35am January 21
May I ask why?

Matthew Kalinowsky at 2:21pm January 21
for funding support for Prop 8 in california

Sean Stidham at 2:38pm January 21
Matt when people ask why, let them know they fueled an out of state campaign to take away the rights we already had to marry. Even knowing that the campaign grossly lied, mislead the public and exploited children, they still asked their members to go above and beyond to stop gay marriage and poured millions of dollars into the campaign. They more than crossed the line legally and morally.

Jilly Harrigan at 2:52pm January 21
Matt's answer was good enough for me

Meghan Hunt at 3:03pm January 21
Well, by Sean's reasoning, then we should really start rallying to strip the Catholic Church of its tax exempt status, don't you think? And any other church who has tax exempt status under the 503(c)(3) standard.

Religious zealots will pay money to further their cause...I don't agree with it, but don't single out the Mormon church when there are hundreds of others out there who do the same thing. Be fair - strip them all.

Matthew Kalinowsky at 3:32pm January 21
oh meg i agree.. i think they all SHOULD have their tax exempt status taking away. (What better time for politicians to make the move than a failing economy!) But because of recent highly coordinated and directed efforts on the Mormon church towards the LGBT community, we feel it rightfully so to start with them. Any church or organization that wants to financially support the efforts that deny rights to any human being should not be allowed to than turn around and qualify to be tax exemption. Churches have gone to far and if the LGBT community has to be the one to finally step up to the plates, mostly because of being targeted by the religious community, than we must take up this challenge.

Basically... if you didn't want to read all that... the Mormon church will be the scapegoats. We got to start somewhere!

Meghan Hunt at 3:37pm January 21
I completely agree. :) And I find it beautifully ironic that a church will be used as a scapegoat - any church, really, because yes, I am that much of an agnostic. :D

Did you see today that Obama is freezing and cutting the salaries of key lobbyists and aides in the White House and he's making them to go ethics training? How great is that?! DC is so clogged it needs a political enema just to breathe again - hopefully the Obama administration will be the saline solution it needs (and yes, that was a poor analogy, but I made it just for you, Mr. Nurse man - because I love you).

Matthew Kalinowsky at 4:02pm January 21
More and more I have falling in love with Obama, especially today with his executive orders. I was still a little unsure whether he would truly foster the needed change, but I am a true believer! (I am particularly thrilled with his renewable energy policies, for the environment is a golden cause of mine )

I must admit ... a good poop reference, including enemas, is always welcomed !!! May I suggest though a milk & honey enema (yes i have seen, luckily not on my patient, such an order in the hospital), i feel it is all natural way to flush out the impurities in Washington.

A Dream

2009-01-15T21:33:00.000-08:00

I had an interesting dream during a long nap today, thursday. It has been on my mind all day.

It took place in my yard, my actually yard. These two similiar looking lost cats showed up. They looked siamese but an orange base color, and their hair shaven in the back. Beside me was our old family cat, Mother Cat or Kit. She had two names, mostly Mother Cat though because when my parents found her she had kittens and every year that we had her she would pop more out. Anyways back to the dream. At the same time i noticed the lost cats, Mother Cat did as well and started hissing and getting all upset. She than darted to attack but instead of attacking the twin cats she attacked another cat that was hidden in grass watching them. I never saw they other cat, only Kit did and chased the cat off. She still was a little aggravated with the new cats but never attacked them. I was able to pick them up and noticed they had multiple tags, one having the name and number of the owner. I then remember thinking how excited the owners will be to know i found them and how they looked like they were lost for awhile. I than proceeded to call the owners.

The End.

That is where the dreams fades to an end. It was a quick dream, but very vivid. I tried using some online dream dictionaries to help decipher the meaning. I never dreamed of Mother Cat before and she died a long long time ago, well over 10 years ago. Other parts have baffled me as well. Like what the possible meaning of Kit attacking the unseen cat. Also why there were two lost cats.

I am a man of symbolism and meaning, both in life and dreams. A dream so vivid and unique, I can't help but wonder, what does it all mean.

I need a Nanny McPhee

2008-12-30T06:11:00.000-08:00

I'm not going to lie. I love the majority of children's movies. This is especially so if it is a cartoon. Nanny McPhee, although not a cartoon, I must say is one of my favorite children's movie. The fact that it isn't a cartoon makes it that much more possible for it to be true does it not?

I have decided I need a Nanny McPhee to come into my life, whip me into shape, make me a snow dress and have me marry the man of my dreams. Do I not deserve a Nans McPhee? I mean like Nanny McPhee says, she is there when you need her but not when you want her. Well this is a need! So where the hell is my nan's????

Oh if life was that easy.

I'm on a Nanny McPhee kick after watching it with John John. He allows me to indulge in my love affair with fairy tale and cartoon movies ( more so than my other favorites, Sci Fi... that is always a big no!)

We watched behind the scene clips and the other features they put on DVDs. Here Nanny McPhee has a deeper more profound meaning, I should say they raise the question..

Does Nanny McPhee change because the children change, or is she always who she was and it is the people's perception of her that changes as they change. Oh MY!

My brain will explode.

Deep.

WHERE'S MY NANs McPHEE!!??!!??!!??

On other news..

I had my interview with Children's Hospital yesterday. It went well. But I'm a little hesitant to say that only because it didn't go as well as I hoped, or that is, how i practiced it in my head. I think I am just being to harsh on myself. I think I have a good chance. I was told there are about 10 candidates and 5 will be chosen. I believe myself to be a good contender.

It was interesting being at Children's Hospital. It was so different than I imagined. I thought a lot about what it would be like to work there and in the OR. Than to actually be there for the interview; and it be a actually possibility I will work there seemed so surreal. I am excited about the potential to work there, especially after the interview. Mostly because it will be such a challenge. It will be something new and different. It is as though I will be starting all over again from scratch. How amazing is that? What an experience?! I just hope I was able to convey my readiness and openness to learn to my interviewer.

tired

2008-12-08T22:32:00.001-08:00

I'm at work. I am exhausted. I have been exhausted. Not that I didn't have a good nights sleep. And grant it, I am working night shift. But I mean in general life terms, I am exhausted. I feel my body has lost all energy. There are multiple of reasons why my body is worn out. Depression, night shift, lack of exercise, poor eating habits, financial woes and general stress all forcing my body to become a walking bomb. Except I can't imagine an explosion, that would require too much energy for which i have none. It would be more like a fizzle out. Sort of like sugar dissolving into coffee. However there is no sweetness to this story.

I have come to terms with my work. At the moment I have to grin and bear it and apply to positions as they come. It is hard to go to work, especially when you set your own hours, to do something you dread doing. I am over bedside nursing, for at least right now. It is emotionally, physically and mentally draining. I am ready for a change. There is hope though. Dare I write the over used analogy light at the end of the tunnel? I will have an interview with Children's Hospital for the OR Training program. I will truly excited about this potential. I know I am good with interviews so I am not too nervous. I am still worried though. However, if it is meant to be it is meant to be.

As for my depression. That has been an issue for so long in my life. I have chosen not to take medication anymore. Right now because I do not have insurance let alone a primary care provider. I have decided that it is time i leave better habits to help me through the rough times. Unfortunately these are very difficult times as every aspect of my life seems negative, except that I am dating a wonderful guy. That sometimes feels like the only thing going right in my life. With everything else, it makes it difficult to break old habits and get into healthy ones. They say to write, write out the thoughs and feelings that engulf you. That is hard. It always has been. I am a thinker, not a writer or orator. Lord knows, my writing is horrible. I am trying to stay a float though. Treading water and refusing to give up. Unfortunately I have gone into self-mode, already overwhelmed by my own issues it is hard to extend out to others. I feel bad for this. Not that anyone is calling for help, but even to check on others life happenings. There is a lot of dust right now in this time of commotion. Ther eis a lot to be ressolved and worked on. I know time is the key and nothing will happen overnight. However, I am a man of little patience. With my age my patience has grown thinner. I hold onto what I can and do what I can. I just hope things will start working out right, at least in some parts of my life.

Laziness

2008-10-12T01:10:00.000-07:00

I'm lazy. I have come to realize that one fact. Is this when things start to get better now, now that I accept this character flaw of mine? Is that not how the law of denial and acceptance work? After all I did minor in psychology back in college, the first one. I should know this. The real question though is how do you become... unlazy? I have to wonder if my laziness stems from boredom. Dare I even reciprocate that and say my boredom stems from laziness. If I am bored with something, life, work, school I feel as though I become lazy. I know things I should do, but don't do them. I rather not fully apply myself or challenge myself. If there is an easier road, I rather be on it. And here, here I am, laying in bed at 1:21am per my laptop corner clock which still is in Pacific time (aka it is really 4:21am for those unable to decipher that sentence). Being unproductive. Being lazy. I can not help but think of Benjamin Franklin's quote "Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise." Of course, what if i just don't go to bed. It does not help that I can't focus on anything for very long. Attention Deficit Disorder. Never diagnosed. Could that just be a poor excuse for laziness and boredom? I don't want to be lazy. I hate that I am. I hate that I give in to my laziness, my uninterest, my attention deficit.

Here's is phrase from the past, "I'm Mental!" But I am. Could it really be ADD? or Depression that breeds uninterest? or simply am I a lazy being trying to find excuses?
I do not want to be lazy. I want to get myself motivated to go for bike rides and hikes. I want to be the best nurse, full of knowledge and skills. I want to be able to fix things without get distracted. The answer could be simple, medication. That seems to help. I do not like that idea. I do not like the idea of depending so much on medication. My next option would be habit-retraining. This takes time and dedication. How do force yourself to not be laziness when you are too lazy to force yourself.

With it being 4:44am a solution to my dilemma will not be uncovered. Technically it is early to bed, early in the morning!

All I need is a swift kick in the ass!

3 days

2008-09-08T02:27:00.001-07:00

3 days.

What do you do with 3 days? 3 days left in a city I have fallen in love with. 3 days left with people I have come to call friends. 3 days of a life not like one you once lived, to prepare for the old life as a new you.

I am excited to see my friends, my dear friends from home who I have missed with a passion. To see my family, my loving grandma and to partake in the wonderful sunday family dinners I have come to miss. To see my niece and nephews and how they have grown since my time away.

It has been a fascinating experience living in another city. Being far from those places and people that are comfortable to me. To challenge myself, and learn about myself. Learn a world that is unknown.

So then... what do I do when I have just 3 days left?

down with exclamation marks... but wouldn't that just be an i

2008-09-02T01:47:00.000-07:00

This originally was going to just be a random email sent to Jilly. Sorry Jilly, i thought it was blog material instead. (I need something to post here.)

I am over exclamation marks. I think they are annoying. I was just typing an email to my landlords and found that the use of exclamation marks to be bothersome. Example...

"San Diego has been wonderful and the house was amazing! Thank you for providing such a great place to live!"

rewrote...

"San Diego has been wonderful and the house was amazing. Thank you for providing such a great place to live."

Maybe it is just me, but when I read a sentence with an exclamation point I think I a hyped up squealing cheerleader (not saying that all cheerleaders all hyped up or squeal) It is though I just want to add WEEEEEEEE or YIPPPEEE after I see the exclamation mark. The period makes it more simple, sweet and direct.

But really maybe it is.. just me. But i can't help it. I just like the period better. I have always been a fan of the period, or dot as in ... . Infact I love the dot dot dot.

In the end you guys may just be wondering why the hell would I email jilly that.

well one.. why not. i think she would be amused and understanding.

but two.. i think i had an email conversation with her about how I liked the exclamation point. I think i did. Or maybe it was how I didn't like it. I don't know, it was back in may/april. I know I had one about pararenthesis though. I enjoy pararenthesis but not as much as the dot dot dot ( I am sure the dot dot dot has an official name but my poor literary knowledge had no idea what it would called)

i love politics

2008-08-30T11:04:00.000-07:00

Seriously, I love politics. Prime example... the crafty move by McCain to choose a female running mate. That Bastard! Palin is a very interesting choice, a smart choice. McCain will have to give up that, Obama is too inexperienced battle cry though. For Palin is too inexperienced. She too is a candidate who isn't tainted by political life, she has even stood up against fellow Republicans and tried to rid the corrupt ones. She is a new spirit in the world of politics which is why Obama appeals to some. On the Reverse, that is why Obama chose Biden, for his experience that Obama lacks.

The fact that Palin is a female will help McCain steal some of the women voters who desperately wanted Hillary but got Obama instead. On the negative side, Palin is core Republican... strict pro-lifer, all for big oil and a NRA member (I think since birth!).

The race for president just got more competitive with wise strategies by both parties. I would prefer a democrat but really my candidate was Hillary and the democrats thought Obama would be a better choice. (I still disagree!) So now I am just sitting back and enjoying the show that is playing out between Team McCain and Team Obama. It is becoming an interesting match up. Each candidate has extremes, high good points and low bad points, and Americans are left to figure out which one is more balanced.

One thing is for certain if McCain wins over Obama, i will not blame all of America or the independents or the swing votes. No, the blame will fall onto my fellow democrats.

And this is completely and utterly uneducated of me but I can't help but mention it because it pops in my head all the time...

does anyone else find it odd that... Obama and Biden sounds oddly similar to Osama Bin Laden.

beat me for that one but I just had to put it in there.

In the end, this country is in the shits and to really help it out the democrats need to take office. Republicans blew it. And yes Bush was the president and the man who got us here but he had plenty of supporters backing him up.

but honestly...

Where is Ross Perot when you need him?

Democratic National Committee

2008-08-27T23:09:00.001-07:00

I have missed watching all of the Democratic National Convention. Not on purpose, I have worked the past two nights. I sit now and watch the rerun of today's events. My favorite party of teh conventions, the Roll Call. I always getting excited about the roll call, whether democrats or republicans. I was mad today because I was looking forward top watching it live and i missed it, my confusion over timing. I am glad I get to see it now though.

I have always wanted to be apart of the convention. In fact lately more and more, my desire to get into politics has grown tremendously. Last summer I asked my neighbor about getting more involved. She is highly involved with politics locally and was excited to hear about my interest. She re-approached me again a few months later to see if i defiantly was interested. However, I took another path and decided to travel and discover the nation and world i live in. I feel this is apart of my growth and if i intend to go into politics will broaden my perspectives and views. Of course I am not sure if i am truly cut out to be apart of politics. I have always wanted to try to make a change in this world. Though, I'm sure that is why many go into politics. But I have to wonder how much change they really make.

Back to the Democratic Convention.

I was and still am a supporter of Hillary Rodman Clinton. In my heart I do feel she was the better candidate and better chances of winning the race for president. With that said though, I will still vote for Obama. I think he will help this country to reverse it's downward spiral that Bush and the Republicans have taken us. I wish though it would have been Hillary. Although Obama has my vote, I have not jumped on teh bandwagon and I don't see myself doing so. He does not have heart like Hillary does. I don't want another republican in office, that is why I will vote for him. I have I do worry though whether the rest of the country will yearn for the same change and vote for Obama. I think a majority of teh Hillary supporters feel the same way and that scares me. It scares me because I am afraid many will resort to voting for McCain . I Pray this does not happen. Anything is better than McCain or another Republican in office!

heard tonight

2008-08-19T03:03:00.000-07:00

so i think i want to start a new thing. I find myself constantly looking on youtube or myspace for new artist and new songs to enjoy. Try to enjoy it before the radio and popular culture gets ahold of it, overplays it and bore us to death with it. Or find a a song or group that has some personal enjoyment from listening to it. I think I will recommended listen to post every once in awhile, I can't commit to a certain timing. (You should know this about me already)

Listened.

my favorite for the night: Ron Pope... in particular: seven english girls, a drop in the ocean

also enjoyed from the cd "Punk Goes Crunk": The Secret Handshake remix of "I Wish" by Skee-lo

noteworthy music:
nevershoutnever! - i liked Big City Dreams

Others checked out but not too impressed with but some maybe:
Jeffree Star
Ra Ra Riot

F* you bitch

2008-08-18T16:16:00.000-07:00

i don't know why but i decided to google 'fuck you bitch.' I would just like to thank www.UrbanDictionary.com for clarifying the term for me, i am an enlightened man now!

Definition per UrbanDictionary.com

1. fuck you bitch

a phrase commonly said by a guy who has just broken up w. his girlfriend during a fight and doesnt want to talk nemore

Jenny: you have a tiny penis how cood i ever hav liked u

Bob: fuck you bitch

Why sleep when you can drink mimosas

2008-08-11T19:08:00.001-07:00

I woke up 6:07pm today. A flurry of thoughts and feelings rushed in like a blizzard. What time is it? My head is killing me. Am I still drunk? Where am I? Fuck, I slept the day away! And the final last flake... Shit I am suppose to pick up Steven at the airport.

This, my friends, is what happens when you and your roommate pound 4 bottles of champagne after working night shift and pass out at a little before 2 in the afternoon.

I will not lie. Since starting permanent night shift I have been yearning to come home and get trashed. Or even go to a bar and get wasted. Or someone's house for eggs and alcohol and intoxication. I mean i would do it after day shift so often so why should it be any different when I do night shift, even if it is 8 in the morning.

Today I accomplished that.

Lisa, Kimmy and I all convened on our deck for the post work cigarette and discussion of our night experiences. Many mornings when we all work, I'll stop to buy some champagne and freshly baked bagels from Vons. Tonight though, Lisa and I were in it to win it. Kimmy passed out and Lisa and I went off to shower and get changed. Lisa and I decided to stay up have some mimosas. We drank through the one bottle of champagne in our fridge. After Downing that we both looked at each, decided that we should go buy some more champagne and really enjoy the morning sun. Lisa in her I heart Delco t shirt and eskimo boxers and myself in red sweat shorts, gray tank and slippers jumped in my car and drove to Vons. We proceeded to buy 6 bottles of champagen, some freshly baked bagels (they are surprisingly great bagels for the west coast), orange juice and 2 boxes of frosted mini-wheats (they were on sale!). As we were paying, our landlord happen to be at Vons as well and came over to say hi. The randomness! He questioned why we had a 6 pack of champagne. We pointed out that if you are a Vons cardmember you save an additional 10% when you purchase 6 or more bottles of wine, champagne or liquor. So we bought 6! I think our landlord thinks his tenants are crazy, thats because we are. But we invited him and his wife over for some mimosas. They are actually cool like that and if it wasn't 9am, monday morning they probably would have part take in the fun. (

We drove home, sat on our deck, talked about about life and drank through 3 more bottles of Champagen. We discussed politics, california, ICU nursing vs Floor nursing, and other little thoughts and ponderings of life. All the while for some reason in my head I kept thinking that is was still only 9am, even as the California sun rose high above us and the marine layer slowly retreated back over the ocean. The hours passed by and the glasses of mimosas flowed like a running creek, well maybe like a raging rapid. Finally at 1:30pm, we realized we were drunk. Lisa actually called it. Than again Lisa is literally half my weight, 110 pounds maybe 5'1. I am two of her, so she was more gone than I was,not to say I was not on the tipsy side though.

We both headed off to our bedrooms. After that, I woke up at 6:07pm, just in time to see Kimmy off from work but too late to pick Steven up from the airport. He grabbed a cab. His flight came in at 530 and I was suppose to pick him up. I knew I was suppose when I headed off to bed but forget the detail that since I was drinking I would most likely need assistance in waking up on time. No alarm was obviously set. Kimmy said she woke up, saw the 4 bottles of champaign, walked in my room and i literally was past out in front of my laptop with my fingers still on the keys looking like I was typing.

So I sit here, with a slight headache, a nice tan and 4 bottles of empty champagne. Luckily we still have 3 more!

It was a great morning!

the craziest bitch of all, my best friend!

2008-08-07T15:00:00.000-07:00

I am always amazed by my best friend Bob... Berta.. Bobby... Brutha... whichever name may roll out at any given time. He came out to visit this past weekend; a much needed visit for both of us. I have been bummed out and missing home. A visit from Bob was the antidote.

The plan was for Mexico. Invited By Eric and Brian with the accompaniment of a gaggle of my San Diego boys we raged out in Mexico on the Flourie Compound halfway between Rosarito and Ensenada, Baja California. Friends - new and old, alcohol, drugs, nudity (me of course), tortilla chips and refried beans all within the borders of the country of Mexico, what could make for a better weekend get away! We all laughed and lived like there was no cares in the world.

What I am constantly amazed, but not surprised by, is how everyone falls in love with Bob. He is such a unique and funny individual. Days after he left my San D friends still comment on how hard he made them laugh and his craziness. It is one of my favorite characteristics about Bob. The fact that he is nuts.

His last night we stayed up until 2 or 3 am laughing at pictures of each other, making comments that we knew the other was thinking. We are constantly amazed by that fact, it is as though we have the same brain sometimes. Maybe it is because we are both crazy, maybe it is because we have been friends for so long. Who knows. It always makes us laugh like little school girls... well more like cracked out prostitutes.

I feel always blessed to have him in my life. He is someone I know will always be there for me and I for him. I always look forward to our next adventure together because it is guaranteed to be insane!

2008-08-01T03:19:00.000-07:00

My Best friend, my brother is coming out to see me.

I am so stoked. (A word that I have now used twice in one day and think I previously maybe used in twice in my life)

I have been in need of the comfort of my friends from back home. It is perfect timing for him to come out. I have been really missing my friends and the comfort of having people who have known me for awhile and and truly concerned about me.

What will make this trip ever more crazy than the typical bob and matt combination, we will be in mexico all weekend! Bob & Matt take on Baja California, Mexico. Staying at my friend's house between Rosarito and Ensenada, we will be taking Mexico by stuff! Ha, probably not that crazy, but none the less it will be an experience!

shake shake shake senora

2008-07-30T03:45:00.000-07:00

Today, umm should I say yesterday since it is 345 in the morning.... Tuesday Morning, there was an earthquake outside of LA. From news report and later confirmed by coworkers, it could be felt all the way down here in San Diego.

I did not feel a think. Highly disappointed. In fact I didn't even know it happened. How did I find out, for the rest of the day since the earthquake first hit at 11:42am, I recieved a slew of texts and phone calls from friends and family back home making sure I was okay. Jen & Paul both texted me almost immediately and I was completely confused. I had no idea what they were talking about.

A goal of mine was to feel an earthquake while living here. I guess I can't really say "goal" since it is something I literally have no control over. Now that there was even the slightly potential, and I was laying in bed checking myspace and could have felt it and not even noticed, I am saddened. Grant it people, I'm not asking for a big one, just a small little shake.

Even more than my disappointment, was the sheer appreciation of the level of concern from people back home. It was truly touching to know people cared and worried about my safety and well being. I know my friends and family do, but to actually see it in action is different, makes it more evident and real. I didn't expect anyone to be concerned, since I seriously had no idea there was even an earthquake. It is a great feeling especially since I have been emotionally struggling with the idea of leaving San Diego and moving home for the fall.

the date

2008-07-29T02:12:00.000-07:00

Last night the date that I move back home was narrowed down, It will either be September 10 or 11th. A bittersweet day. All my life I wonder what it would be like to live in other parts of the country and world. To submerge myself in the culture of different cities, to experience daily life as those living there experience. Nursing I knew would provide that opportunity for me and it has. San Diego has been my first stop. I have fallen in love with San Diego. It comes as no surprise. 5 months into it, I have learned so much about life here and California. Indeed, I claim to be no expert on the city. I struggle though. As i fulfill a life long dream to travel there are many hardships.

Friends. It is easy for me to make friends, I never fear not being able to. What is hard is leaving my friends back home. I miss them terribly. To have the comfort of someone knowing your life for years, that knows everything about you and how you have become who you are, that is something that you can't just easily walk away from. I knew this would be difficult for me. My friends back home have been a support for me during some of my most difficult times in my life. The death of my mom, my struggles with depression, coming out, they were there for me during those times. I found support from my friends when I couldn't with my family. To have them so far away and not be able to see them whenever I want, is a tremendous challenge for myself. When I am sad and confused, it is them I want to go to and lean on.

Travel or Stay. My goal is to travel and experience the culture of cities. I have started to find my nitch here in San Diego. Is this where I see myself spending the rest of my life? No. But I don't feel my time is necessarily up here. I want to tell myself I will come back when I come home but then I also feel I am not allowing myself the opportunity to really explore other cities. I love to travel. A few years ago, once I actually had a full time job, I set a goal to travel somewhere once a season. Vacation though is very limiting, you see everything that city has to show in a few short days but not actually how that city truly lives. I don't always feel you get to know the place you travel if all you do is the tourist traps. However, I accept that in traveling and still enjoy seeing what any place I go has to offer

I am stuck. I am going home. Happy, happy to be able to hang out with bob and john john watching some silly gay movie until the middle of the night. Take a random walk with Jeannette that will be further than expected. Drive down to MD to see Jilly and MegHan. And the countless other special encounters i get with my dear friends. But i will miss those friends I have made out here, who have welcomed me into their lives, Who call me friend. The desire to live in other parts of the country overpowering, Meet new people, new friends to share my life with. All this and I still yearn to have someone special share in my experiences with me. As I get older, I want more and more something serious and real. It is also hard to travel because I am getting tired of my job, working the bedside. I feel drained, uninterested and understimulated. I need some more.

It is all overwhelming at times.

I have a lot of options, which I enjoy having. However, It doesn't help focus which way to go. So i try to take one day at a time and see where I end up. If I fall in love on the way so be it. If I find a job that ends up being my passion, kudos to me. I just have to stay focus and keep positive, which can be hard. I have this opportunity many do not and I need to take advantage of it.

So game plan as of now.

Leave San Diego and go home to Philly for the fall. Go Per Diem at Hahnemann.
December or January go to Florida Keys for an assignemnt
After 3 months, move back to San Diego and take a full time job possibly as a home health nurse, something completely different.

That is my tentative plan. Who knows what God has in store fo rme

(Speaking of God, I went to mass for the second time! Went to a Church in Old Town. It wasn't as nice as the mass at the mission, but still interesting)

http yeah you know me

2008-07-28T00:59:00.000-07:00

AOL IM profiles

Geocities personal websites

Telnet chat

this what the world wide web was to me in high school. fun times.

It is always interesting to see how the world, how life, has progressed.

first book ever finished

2008-07-25T15:24:00.000-07:00

From my recollection, last night (at work) I finished the first book I ever freely chose to read. Now, I debated as going as far as saying finished a book period but i know I actually enjoyed and fully read some of the books I was suppose to read for summer breaks. I am not saying I have never read anything that I was not forced to read, it is just that I have always started them and never finished. (please refer to number 17 of my last posting.)

The Book? 'Here's What We'll Say' by Reichen Lehmkuhl. Who??? Well he is the bf (maybe now ex-bf knowing how the gays work) Lance from N*Sync and he was also on the Amazing Race with his then partner Chip and won.

Okay, so i'm sure most of you are wondering why the hell out of all the great autobiographies and novels of the world would I chose to read and become enthralled with this one? Well it is autobiography about discovering himself and coming out while in the Air Force Academy. I have been in the process, side-lined now that I am in California, to join the Air Force Reserve. I thought it would be an interesting perspective on the Air Force and help me figure out whether or not to commit to part of the military. What I found was a book that I could not put down. I never had a book before that would keep me up all night when reading it instead of making me pass out. Each page I read I wanted to hear more about his experiences. It gave me hard-on at times, it made me cry at times, especially the last few chapters.

Although I did start this back in the fall/early winter, the times I picked it up i never wanted to put it down. I remember laying in bed in my grandma's basement up until 3 or 4 am reading this book and forcing myself to put it down. Recently i have been reading it on my night shifts. I actually felt more awake reading the book than when I would put it down to check on my patients. I never experienced such a thing from a book.

There was a chapter or two that became preachy, going off on a tangent about gay rights. Those were the only parts I skipped ahead. I already support gay rights and agreed with what he started going off on. I wasn't reading it to reconfirm my views of gay rights or hear someone's else. I just wanted to hear his story.

It was not the best literary work, not even close. It was simple writing. I accept and relate. But something about it grabbed hold of my attention and never let go. I would recommend it. It was an interesting perspective on gays in the military. I also think it would help those who might be struggling with accepting themselves or coming out.

I am actually proud that I finished a book I wanted to read. I actually had come to accept that I would probably never finish a book. I surprised myself. More so because I had put it down for sometime since I moved to San Diego but I brought it because I knew I needed and wanted to finish it. Christmas in July was that day! This may sound silly to some of you, but those that know me and not my poor attention span, this is an amazing accomplishment for me!

** umm so I just went to go find a picture of the book to add to this posting and found a link to a myspace page dedicated to it... http://www.myspace.com/hereswhatwellsay that's wierd**

29 things you should know about me

2008-07-24T02:02:00.000-07:00

Sadly, this literally took me all day to come up with. It was a challenge.

*29 RANDOM THINGS PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT YOU.*
1.	I challenge who I am
2.	Skylines excite me
3.	I love food
4.	I will never grow up, nor will want to
5.	Mesh soccer shorts are the most comfortable thing to wear to bed
6.	I take pictures because I am afraid I will forget
7.	I will never be sure, and that scares me
8.	Creavtivity inspires me
9.	I cry easily, which is okay because there was a time i couldn't
10.	Best sound is hearing the mailman push mail through the mailslot
11.	my friends are my family and my family is my life
12.	I believe laughing is the fountain of youth
13.	I can't spell to save my life
14.	I will without a doubt pronounce it wrong
15.	I'm obsessed with shoes
16.	I love finding out new things about myself
17.	I rarely finish what I start
18.	If you can drive there, I want to go
19.	Thanksgiving Eve is my favorite night to party
20.	My favorite morning is Thanksgiving morning, waking up and watching Logo with John John
21.	I work to live, not live to work
22.	I become obsessed with something and buy multiples of it
23.	I don't watch TV but still will always get cable
24.	I think too much
25.	I get bored easily
26.	My true wish is to lead and inspire
27.	One of the best feelings is crawling into a made bed
28.	I have no patiences for slow drivers
29.	Life is a mystery and my goal isn't to solve it but to enjoy the surprises it has to offer
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

San Diego Gay Pride 2008

2008-07-21T01:16:00.000-07:00

Hot Mess. That is what this weekend was for me and for ever gay in san diego both visitors and residents.

Friday.
Friday evening I had a kick off bar be que. It was fun, low key. I didn't want to go out and get trashed because well I knew that would be my whole weekend. Not to say i didn't get messed up Friday night, i did, but through the comfort of my own home.

Saturday.
Now Saturday... saturday, saturday, saturday. I'm not sure what happened saturday, well i do, except later in the day I don't. It began with me waking up late and quickly getting dressed to head over to Steven's place. I wanted to make sure I was there early because his place is right by the park where the festival takes place. I knew parking would be a bitch. I scored a nice spot though right by his place. We decided to walk to the where the parade started. Steven, Adam, Whitney and I started on our adventure. During this hike, it was joking brought up to make it competition to set a goal to make out with a certain number of people during the parade. I jokingly said 12 thinking that it was foolish and unrealistic number and situation. Not so apparently. The drinking also began on this very same walk. Accompanying us on our stroll were Target bought mini Sangrias. They look like juice boxes, so easy to break out and drink while walking. And that we did! At 1030 in the morning!

We finally made it to the beginning of the parade. Sadly we missed the opening with the dykes on bikes. Actually I wouldn't see much of the parade. We strolled around and I separated and joined up with Bev, Lara and crew at Baja Betty's. This is where it officially all started. By this time it was noonish, the parade was going strong outside and I did throughout the course of our stay there 2 shots of petron, 1 1/2 maragaritas and a vodka & club. Now after some shots of petron, one really loosens up. It also will help remind you you had set a goal to make out with 12 people. And I proceed. I left betty's with one make out down and feeling pretty loaded. I watched the parade some more with bev, lara, dondi and fred. Dondi and I decided to go drink some more and we proceed to go to Flicks. What is fun about being loaded is that I talk to everyone. At Flicks I randomly ran into a guy that was from jersey and his friend was from philly. They were cool, don't remember their names, if i even got them. I had a drink there with dondi then we proceed to Rich's. Rich's was uneventful and we didn't stay long. I'm sure I had a drink and probably even made out with some people. This point I was well on my way of reaching my goal. Lara & Bev were at Numbers, the parade had ended and the sea of gays were on the move to the festival at Balboa park. Dondi and I meet up with Bev and lara and taxied it to the park. Getting out of the taxi and i rang Steven. He was at a party by his apartment. Dondi and I went over to join them. at this point I was up to 8 make outs. Cory and Kevin, a couple that Steven knows who were at the party, proceeded to be 9 & 10. We didn't stay long at the house party, which was really a condo party. We left and head to the park. While walking i ran into Meg. I remember her name, not sure why. She was a 60 year old lesbian who look like she just ran a marathon( I think she did). Not sure how we started talking, most likely I initiated it. She was cool, we bonded for a few blocks, until i departed her for the ATMS

Now Bolboa park, for those who have not been to San Diego, is huge and has a lot of historical buildings and museums. Tourist were there riding trolleys having an enjoyable family day. San Diego gay Pride is also the biggest event in San Diego, it brings in the largest crowd out of any other event during the year. Needless to say i'm not sure how the tourist felt seeing a swarm of gays, wasted, stumbling down the street guys dressed like girls, girls dressed like guys, feather boas and rainbow flags everywhere. One of these trolleys was fortunate enough to stop in front of me. I, drunk, decided to start welcoming the tourist to San Diego and the gay pride event. Steven said it was quite funny, to us not them. This particular trolley had quite a number of families on there, and they just looked at me with shock.

Number 12. Once we go in the park, I got up to 11 and now I was 1 away from my goal. Some how number 12 ended up being a large blonde drag queen dressed in a white gown. Steven got a picture of the milestone. I don't know how it happened, it just did. But it seems very appropriate that number 12 be "special" I decided not to stop at 12. 12 and on Steven documented with pictures. Like the previous 11 I don't remember any of them. (well I remember 4, the first guy, this hot guy name Dana, and Cory & Kevin.)

The festival is like Philly's Block party, lot of tables with people handing out things or trying to sell things. They put stickers on you, ask to to sign up for this or that or ask for money. At some point I got suckered into paying 10 dollars a month for the Human Rights Campaign and an additional $35 gift for a blue bag with an equal sign on it. Damn them. After that I ended up separate from Steven and at the Kilt tent. I remember seeing guys earlier in kilts and telling Steven that i was going to buy a kilt. So i did. 358 dollars later I walked out of the kilt tent with my new kilt, free balling. Drunk, in a kilt with no underwear, and surrounded by thousands of gays. Not a good thing! I think it is safe to say half of San Diego has touched my balls. I roamed the festival a little more and ended up at the Latin Beer Garden. There luckily I meet up with Steven and Adam. I danced a little. What is better than a drunk guy wearing a kilt and flip flops dancing to latin music. I was a hit. My kilt was a hit. My balls apparently were a hit too.

We stayed at the Latin Tent for the remainder of the festival and stumbled back to Steven's apartment. I believe I mooned a few people on the way. We got to Steven's and then I hit the couch and took a nice power nap. When we all awoke we showered, got dressed then proceed back to drinking and a night on the town. I was still drunk. Now when i say I was drunk, I was drunk but not gone. I was in a happy medium of goofy fun drunk, still can walk right and make sense when talking. Once we got to Rich's though, I don't remember much. As many of my friends know, and now my San Diego friends have seen, me shitloaded is nuts. Uncontrollable. I am like a kid with ADHD x200. I even turned into one of the gays that takes his shit off while dancing. Of course the floor was filled with shirtless guys. We stayed there until Midnight. I later found out the fire marshal showed up at Rich's later that night and shut them down for being over the occupancy. It was good that we left when we did. We went to the Brass Rail. We randomly ran into Oliver, Ken and Eunice in line who showed up the same time. Eunice is cool because I meet her last year at pride. I haven't seen or talked to her since. It was kind of cool to meet her again at this year's pride. Inside the shirt came off again and Adam and I got up and pole danced. Apparently I threw my shirt at some chick when I go up there too.

At the end of the night Adam disappeared (ended up in Chula Vista) and Steven and I went back to his place. Steven was sober and I was tanked. As he drove home, I decide to "lecture" Steven. It was a good talking though, nothing offensive. Just about how he needs to open up more! Steven has actually become my best guy friend out here. He has some attitude but he is sincere and genuine. I trust him and enjoying hanging out with him. He calls me his little brother, even though I am two years older than him. He says something about how I am like a little kid with how I view the world and act sometimes and that makes him feel like i'm his younger brother. He is right.

Sunday.
I woke up drunk. In fact for the whole morning I was drunk still. Steven and I meet up with Brian and Eric for lunch. They didn't realize how drunk I was the previous night. That was the first time I let myself get like that here. I was fine during the day but at night I was shitfaced. I mean my intention was never to get like that at all. I have been really good though at controlling my drinking in San Diego. The main reason is I just don't want to drink a lot but also being in a new town with new friends i just don't feel it wise to get so wasted that I wouldn't be able to get home. After lunch we took a much needed nap. Adam returned home. The nap didn't help me, it actually converted my drunkness to feeling hungover. We decided to still make our way to The Hole. I decided to wear my kilt again because well when the hell will I ever wear a kilt??? I didn't think I was going to make it. I was hungover, barely could stand and my body was shaking, not sure why probably from dehydration? But after pounding a bottle of water and a mini pitcher of miller lite, I miraculously felt fine! Adam, who also was in the same boat as me, agreed that after a beer he felt better. I didn't get drunk, I couldn't. Although I felt better from the beer, I still had no desire to get even close to being intoxicated. After The Hole a huge gang of bears all went to Brian's, a restaurant that is sorta like a diner, as close to a diner San Diego can get. I was still in my kilt. After dinner we went home and debated about going out. We forced ourselves too. We went to Mo's but lasted there only about 30 minutes. The three of us were exhausted and Adam & I still felt gross from being hung over. We went back to Steven's and watched Golden Girls on DVD. And That is how my San Diego Gay Pride Weekend ended.

i'm a new soul

2008-07-09T03:27:00.000-07:00

Who am I to reveal the hidden secrets of the world. I dare not act like I know any. For my hidden secrets of the world is someone else's daily understandings. I may be alone when I walk, but everyone is with me. My adventures in life has crossed paths with a diverse and amazing group of individuals. I feel I have learn something from each them and I could only hope I do the same for them. For those that come into my life I feel I give them a part of me. These parts may vary in size from person to person, but are all still an individualized piece of me and my existence. Although our paths may no longer be crossed, you still have a piece of me and I have a piece of you. I cherish many of my pieces that I have come by and hold them tightly up against my heart. I dare not lose any of them. They refill the pieces I have given away. Like an evolving creature, our souls continues to grow and broaden itself, slowly changing and making it self better each time. We may not realize that it is not that our souls have to die to be reborn again, they are constantly evolving, growing, awakening, yearning to become whole.

denver thoughts still linger

2008-07-05T00:37:00.000-07:00

Happy Fourth! Sadly I'm at work so no fireworks for me. It kind of sucks because everyone was out bar be queing and drinking and I had to nap and go to work. This hospital is alright, rather on the quiet side (hope I didn't just jinks myself!) No where near the acuity like the patients at Hahnemann.

San Diego is amazing. I have very very mixed views that have been clouding my mind. I have met some awesome friends though. It is odd because I am getting into a routine and way of life out. A few months ago I felt like a tourist, infact I would say up until I moved to PB (Pacific Beach), I felt that way. Now I never really lived anywhere but Philly area, so i'm sure those of you who have moved away know have had the same feelings. I missing have my close friends by my side. It is so comforting to have people that have known me for years, versus only a few months.

I didn't think I would enjoy San Diego as much as I do. I know I don't want to live here forever, but I will come back again. I should have went other places first that I knew I would not necessarily want to stay longer, so I would continue my traveling! Grant it, who knows what the months to come will bring. A part of me is excited to go home, but upset that I will leave here and the friends i have meet here. I wish I wasn't even thinking about it because it is still a few months away. But it has been on my mind. When i was in Denver last weekend, I laid in bed thinking about all my friends. It stirred something inside me. I have friends from so many different aspects of my life.. high school, college, nursing school, work... some I get to see everyday (well when I was back home) and others only a couple times a year. I always wish i could spend more time with everyone, especially those dear to me but I only get to see few times a year. My thoughts mademe realize how many people have affected my life, how some are still in my life but others are no longer.

It is interesting being here for what I felt was temporary. The people I have meet here I semi viewed as temporary in the beginning but now that has changed. They have become a part of my life. I share feelings, thoughts and laughs with them. My heart goes out to them. I am blessed to be able to call them friends. It is funny how life works sometimes. Where life will take you. And who you will meet on the way. What I thought was going to be just a short life in a straneg town across the country, has grown into my new home away from home.

I am new to traveling nurses. I am new to living in an area not familiar to me. Although I may struggle emotionally, which when do I ever not, in the end I know I am exactly where I am suppose to be. My heart misses back home, my soul is feeling fulfilled, well partially. I still struggle with what I want to do with my life. I know it is time for a change, not just hospital change. I want to try something completely different in Nursing. When I come back to San Diego I think I will apply to the Health Department and become a public health nurse. Bedside nursing is alright, my patients always seem to love me, most of them. I do not feel completely satisified by my work.

Hopefully now that I let this all stream out of me it will drop out of my mind for the next 2 months. I still have plenty of time in San Diego and in the end I control when I leave and when I come back. I don't need to be worry about something that I have no control over.

zombie march

2008-07-02T03:45:00.000-07:00

It's 3:45am, pacific standard time. I'm at work. I'm tired. Voided of any stimulation, I blankly stare hoping a patient will ring for pain medication. (not for diaper changed, I hate cleaning up pooh. Laughing about it yes, cleaning it no!)
NIght shift is a test. I marvel at how long my body can stay awake. Indeed, I am working on my second cup of coffee. However, that cup only gave me enough caffeination to energize me to type a blog. No amount of caffeine really helps during the early hours of morning. It is pure mental and physical powers forcing myself to stay awake. Many people ask me how I can do a 12 hour night shift. I have no idea how I do it. If I wasn't at work, I could try to force myself to stay awake, but often times it results in failure.

I am the walking functional zombie. I respond when needed. Indeed, it maybe be easier on nightshift work wise, but it is more challenging personally as your force your body to ignore its yearning for sleep.

I think the coffee is weaning out of my system because I am losing the mental capacity to type a blog.

Another weekend away

2008-07-01T02:50:00.000-07:00

Flew off to Denver for the weekend. My grandma was there for the week, so I too decided to stop by. I miss my g unit, so for her to be all the way out here, I felt the need to try to go see her. Another fun visit to Denver ensued. Sarah's baby shower on saturday. We went up another 14er, Mt Evans, and did some hiking and exploring on Sunday. Then enjoyed a bike ride with my Aunt to Golden, CO this afternoon before it was time for my departure. I love Colorado. It is so beautiful there. I had made many visits out there over the past few years. I haven't traveled to somewhere so frequently except to Columbia MD, and previously was also up to Vermont. Strange that someplace so far is slowly becoming so familiar.

Also I have been thinking more about my future endeavors. I think I may look into becoming a physical therapist. Rumor is they are making that a Doctorate degree now.

I need to enjoy the now though.

Sleepless in SanDiego

2008-06-27T13:23:00.000-07:00

3 hours until I take off for Denver. I currently attempt to pack my clothes for the weekend. Usually this is never an easy task, packing for a trip. Length usually doesn't matter surprisingly, it always culminates into a frenzy of stuffing random clothing into a bag a few hours prior to take off. There is no frenzy at the moment but yet a bag still remains only half full of random clothes. My frenzy is more of stumbling and blankly staring at my closet, then draws, then back at my closet. The fact that i have only 2 hours of sleep is the basis of my effortless and mindless packing. It is hard to concentrate on what you may need to wear for 3 days when your mind just wants to be wrapped in a comfy blanket. I don't think that look would fly for a baby shower or a flight to denver.

Needless to say all I can think about is bed. Bed. Bed. Bed. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep.

I am flying to Denver because my grandma flew out for the week. My Aunt is also going to have a baby shower for my cousin, who is due in July. I thought it I would partake in the festive and get to see my much missed grandma. Really though, I wish I was staying home. I would love for a whole free weekend to relax, spend some quality time at home with the roomies, and just chill out. Alas I bought the ticket 2 weeks ago so I didn't know I would just rather stay at home. It doesn't help I am half asleep. It makes me slightly more grouchy about leaving. Also the slight fact that i charges this trip because I really couldn't afford it has me a bit upset with myself and spending habits. In the end though I know as soon as I see my grandma I will be happy I spent the money. I know I will enjoy the weekend. I am just being a sleep deprived cranky bitch.

Sandy Nude Beach of San Diego

2008-06-25T01:57:00.000-07:00

I finally made it to Black's Beach. The nude beach in San Diego. The San Diego beaches have now experience but naked body. I was joined and driven by my friend Quinton. One of the first people I meet out here and became friends and close with.

today inspired the posting of this video.

White Sandy Beach - Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_YfyKahP-0

Mexico Weekend

2008-06-23T08:14:00.000-07:00

I spent the weekend in mexico. I never had a desire to go to Mexico. Ever. Nothing against Mexico,.but it is a country that was not high on my visitation priority list. However the pressure was on now that I live in San Diego and about 30 minutes from the border, if that, to go visit. I was fortunate enough to get to experience Mexico in a facet that I enjoy experiencing any new city, state or country, with the locals. My friends Eric and Brian invited me down to Eric's house in Mexico, nestled between Rosarito and Ensanada, right on the coast. Eric's family own a large plot of land with about 10 houses on it.

This weekend happen to be Eric's father's birthday. On Saturday I got to enjoy finally a truly authentic Mexican meal. Homemade. As many of my adoring fans may know, Mexican food has never agreed with me, even tough I always eat it. Of course it is partly my fault, I chow down on the evil tortilla chips prior to my main meal. Every Mexican restaurant i have been to though, the food never seems fresh. However, the food I tasted at this birthday fiesta was delicious. It has changed my opinion of Mexican food. Home cooked food is always the best.

My experience in Mexico was perfect. Low key, relaxing, with cheap margaritas, a nice swim in the clear blue ocean and a quick visit to Ensanada to sample the Mexican Tourist traps, including a stop at la farmacia. I had no desire to visit Mexico as a pure tourist, that is not the Mexico I wanted to experience. Like, any place I visit, I want to dive into the culture, not the facade made for cameras and postcards. I mean, don't get me wrong, I do enjoy seeing those well known tourist spots, but I demand more from my visits.

Sadly I returned sunday morning just to go to work sunday night. Here I sit typing this throughout my night, finishing my shift right now.

I was pulled from 4North, a Medicine floor to 3North Bone Marrow/Transplant floor. Throughout the night I kept thinking how I don't want to be a nurse anymore. I am over bedside nursing I think. My feelings vary. Now that I am done, I look and think tonight was not bad. My opinion was the exact opposite in the beginning of the night. I'm not sure where Nursing will lead me, but then again does anyone truly know where life will take them. I know this is not my passion. I can feel it. I can tell by other nurses. I am competent, I know what I am doing and my patients always love me. My soul though does not feel fulfilled by nursing. Not sure where to go from here. I feel though I need to try something other than Med/Surg bedside nursing. Am I proud to be a nurse? Yes. Will I ever give it up completely, Never. But Med/Surg is not my type of nursing anymore.

How I went from Mexico to my dislike of my career, I have no idea. This is my brain.

It is 8:30 in the morning and I feel wide awake. I wish I had someone to go get breakfast with... mmmmmm.. eggs

Internet Withdrawal.

2008-06-14T01:21:00.000-07:00

2 weeks without Internet, good consistent high speed internet. It sucks. Instead I am left stealing whatever wireless connection my computer can connect to. Did I mention it sucks. Now, besides the little inconveniences like not being able to check my emails, myspace or post rambling blogs that I have come to enjoy, there are more serious issues. First I do all my banking and bill paying online. 2 weeks is not a good amount of time to go without Internet. Also I need to buy a airline ticket to Denver in 2 weeks. With all this I started to notice an increase in irritability, poor temper control, and computer abuse. Sure signs of withdrawal. However, like other unhealthy addictions, this one needs to be feed for the sake of my bank accounts! I can handle the limited myspace checks and porno, but seriously not missing paying my bills. I already do that enough even when I do have internet! Oi. It sucks.

damn this journey!

2008-05-29T00:34:00.000-07:00

and i travel the world
listening for words unspoken,
looking for the invisible,
searching for those not lost.

But I continue. To stop is pointless. The world is a vulnerable place. Our minds are a fragile world. I am fragile, I am vulnerable. Paranoia. Fear. Worry. These are my enemies. The demons that stalk me. Our mind is our world. We make of it what we choose. We choose the world we exist in, how it progresses, how we live in it. This, at times, is very unsettling. That is my weakness and the battle I start to lose. But I remind myself the world is a very forgiven place, a very flexible environment, made for change. After all I make of it what I want. We each have our struggles in life. Although I never have had a problem thus far, and the path I travel has provided blessed experiences and lesson, I dare still question whether my journey is the correct one.

There is so much I want to do. So much I want to try. I want to experience it all. With this excitement I sometimes myself miss out on the journey itself. That is when I realize it is times for a pause. A moment of rest. A moment to stop, looking around and realize everything is fucking daisies and lollipops. I take a sniff. I take a lick. I continue.

Half the fun is not knowing. The other half is the battle to embrace that fun.

flobots: handlebars

tears and roller skating

2008-05-28T00:06:00.001-07:00

My two best friends came to visit me this weekend. It was a weekend of alcohol, laughter, tears, Shamu, basically just simply friends being friends. Bob is my brother and John John is quickly becoming the same. I cry with them, I laugh with them. We get pissed at each other but never can hate. Bob and I have lasted 10 years. We had out points of lost friendship but we always came back to each other. That is why he truly is my brother. We can annoy the shit out of each other but we have come to realize we can't stay mad at each other. John and I have become close over the years but especially since he moved home. We relate in so many ways, without sometimes even saying a word. Silence can be golden.

Moving to San Diego has made me miss those simple times just hanging out. The after the bar drunk times at the apartment or house of whoever's place is "the place" to go is what I truly miss. Going out is fun. But it is those discreet intimate times that I hold dear and I miss the most.

I came home today at lunch to an empty house. It oddly felt like I lost someone or just broke up with someone. It seemed as though there should have been a "Dear John" letter laying around. A forgotten coat, toiletries that didn't make the cut to go home, trash from the adventures of the weekend all were reminders of my dear visitors. I cried. I missed them and still do. I always miss my friend and family from home. But I got to taste what it was like back home. Experiences that I do not get to enjoy here in San Diego. I couldn't help but cry. Those are such special times to me. Not to be overlooked.

That was me crying.

To try to get my mind off of things I was invited to go roller skating by my friend Quinton. I asked Kelly to join me. I have not been roller skating since I would go to Adult night with Liz and Harris over at the Roller Skating Palace on the Boulevard in NE Philly. I don't even know what grade I was in, I think the end of high school, beginning of college, almost 10 years ago (holy shit). I had so much fun. Grant it I was like the grandma driving her caddie on the highway at 45 miles an hour BUT I did not fall once. Also it didn't seem to annoy people I was going to slow, I think they were a bit more understanding than if I was going 45mph on a highways. (I know myself, I am very unforgiven for anyone driving under 60... and that is being nice). I must say i did a fine job on the skates. No falls. A number of close calls though. Needless to say, I am addicted. I can't wait to go again. I always wanted to have a skating party since I was 25 (no seriously.. I want one now.. fuck when I was a kid. If i fall now I would laugh, if i was a kid I would be mortified!) I look forward to my next roller experience.

San Diego, the new Gay Mecca

2008-05-21T23:05:00.000-07:00

I have been surprised about the size of San Diego's gay scene. I knew previous that San Diego had a lot of gay citizens, but i am even more surprised living here. Their pride even is huge, one of the largest in the country. What really brought my attention is seeing the number of gays on Adam4Adam. I decided to check out other cities and see how many people were on in different parts of the country. Grant it, It is 11pm here so 2 am on the east coast, so totals might be off. But None the less San Diego was right up there with NYC, LA and San Fran! Another area that surprised me, Orlando. They had a huge amount of there. If it is more than 500, it will just say 500+. On right on is 143 pages with 12 profiles each in San Diego County.

What makes this even more interesting is that it has a huge HUGE military influence here, both Navy and Marines. Hmmmmmmmm. Interesting indeed.

I feel San Diego is the New San Fran... like Fort Lauderdale is the New SouthBeach (except got as nice and cultured.. .nothing can beat SouthBeach!)

down in the dumps

2008-05-20T23:23:00.000-07:00

Allergies suck. The end. I mean what is there to say. I think that sums it up nicely. Short and simple. My generations way of describe anything that is or perceives to be negative.

So If i may... I would like to continue

Allergies suck.(that bad it deserves mentioning again)
Death sucks.
Acne sucks.
Bills suck.
Men suck. (but that is obviously a good thing, depending)
8 to 5 definitely sucks.
Losing weight sucks. (of course gaining it sucks even more)
Corns suck.
Indecisiveness sucks.
Depression sucks.
Politics suck.
Unfolded laundry sucks.
Brazil sucks (not the country, the kid living above us)

Litte Miss Sunshine rocks.
My roommate rocks.
My friends rock. (YAY John and Bob coming this weekend!!!!)
A freshly made bed really really rocks.

Life is a lesson. And I am learning. And when things suck what rocks is I learn from them (hopefully!) As a repeated to me on TV after school and saturday mornings, Knowledge is Power!

One of the songs I am obsessed with, seems fitting

**After watching this video i swear i have seen it before on NewNowNext on Logo months ago.... hmmmm crazy... it is a great program and I always do find bands i fall in love... like MIka!**

Obsessed with Neil Diamond

2008-05-16T00:36:00.000-07:00

I have become obsessed with Neil Diamond. I can't stop listening to Pretty amazing grace... hence why it is on my myspace. So I have decided he desires a blog post with his music vid on it.

It semi reminds me of Johnny Cash.

I found out today at work that he was on American Idol singing this same song. I cried. Kididng, I don't mind AI. When I did a video search on youtube, because of my obsession, all they had were him on AI. Luckily I found one of myspace. Enjoy!

Pretty Amazing Grace

I hate Mexican Food

2008-05-14T22:37:00.000-07:00

I would like to report the title again for everyone, I hate mexican food. Again, I hate mexican. Oh well.. once more.. I HATE mexican food.

Everytime I eat I go through the same belly hurting pains. And I tell myself I will never ever eat Mexican food again. But I do. It is a life lesson I refuse to truly learn. I think, no this will be good, it sounds good, it must be good. It is never good.

Now.. I love Qdobas. And here in Cali I have fallen for Rubios. But they are like fresh fast Mexicanesque food. Not the true Mexican style that makes you feel like you are about to shit your pants but nothing comes out no matter how hard you push. And your stomach will hurt for the rest of the night. And you gringe and cry and fart and burp and just stink up the whole fucking place. Then after several attempts of just forcing out of your body rectal, it happens. Your ass explodes. It is a nuclear melt down in your toilet. The Mexican Chernobyl. But your survive. The pain retreats. The complaints of Mexican disgust simmer and fade with each day. Then someone says Margaritas and your forget what your ass had gone through. You accept the sound of tequilla, chips and salsa and some burritos with special red sauce. Shampoo, Rinse and repeat.

I hate Mexican food.

Except tortilla chips.. honestly who could hate them.

I also dislike Italian food but at least my anus doesn't mind those tastes. My dislike grows more with Italian everytie I say I don't like Italian food. Why? Because someone always says, you haven't had real italian food. Bull fucking shit! I have had enough Italian food made by Mama Mia to Chef Boyardee to come to realize I don't like Italian food. Mainly it is because I'm not a huge fan of pasta. It's cool. I gave it up a long time ago. I'm like the vegetarian of pasta. But unlike vegetarians, I don't mind dabbing in some every once in awhile. I just personally feel, like white bread, it is one of the worst food for you. Now whole wheat pasta, that's fine. I wouldn't mind Italian food if everything was made with whole wheat pasta. Then again I wish everything was made whole wheat (I know my friends love my philospohy on that! Gotta try my whole wheat pancakes... YUMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMM MMMMMMM Y)

I hate mexican food.

Best part of the night. "Eric," whose real name was Jesse when we went to place our order and asked corn or flour, decided to add in there" Our flour is made with LARD" Who the fuck will then turn around and say, oh yeah give me the flour tortillas! Hell yeah I want some LARD bread. Crackhead. I mean he was but it wasn't just that moment in our Mexican dinner evening. He just wasn't good at his job. Wasn't a bad person, kind of funny actually. Just waitering is not his calling.... especially at the apparently Mexican LARD Cafe.

unexpected

2008-05-13T23:12:00.000-07:00

I went on a date yesterday. I haven't been on a REAL date in a while. I did not have the mind set until of dating. I am a traveler. And although I would love to be traveling with someone very close and dear to me, I have accepted that these experience are for me to enjoy on my own. I am to learn about myself. Well, maybe not. A Date. Honestly. Seriously! How come when you are not thinking about it, and it is the fartherest thing from you mind... BAM you get slammed with it. I'm not unhappy about it. It was a great date. Toooooo great. I just don't get life sometimes.

Unrelated...

The best invention in the world are those paper toilet seat covers. I'm not joking. I have decided today that is THEE best invention God has ever inspired someone to create. Fuck artificial valves and x-rays. Thats just bullshit. Toilet seat covers... now that's important. It is up there right next to butt wipes and silicone based lube. I mean no, they are not necessarily going to save lives. They do however make life so much more enjoyable! What else in life do you need... besides food... and water.... and ox y gen. I will say though... i don't get the middle part of toilet seat covers. I mean you have to tear them off anyway, why even put them on there. It is more of an annoyance then a convenience.

Dating and pooping.
Why
why are they in the same post.

It just doesn't make sense.

Exactly.

Dueling Pianos

2008-05-11T02:30:00.000-07:00

Tonight I stepped foot into a dueling piano bar named Shout House. Now where I am from piano bar = gay bar (oh I do miss Tavern) Dueling pianos though also remind me of when all my friend and I went to Vegas, stayed at Treasure Island, and went to watch their dueling piano show. (And I later messed around with one of the pianist.. i don't think anyone knows that though).

This place was awesome. It was a fellow traveling RN's last weekend in town so we went there to celebrate. It is a big deal. You bond quickly with fellow travelers. They are your family and your friends in the strange land you chose to embark to.

My favorite jokes from them that really made me crack up...(their theme for them was gang bang)

Knock Knock...
(who's there)
Little boy Blue
(little boy blue who)
Little Boy Blue Michael jackson

and

Knock Knock
(who's there)
Gladiator
(gladiator who)
Gladiator before the gang bang

I must admit though. This is dedicate to my friend Jeannette. Out of all my friends I feel she would really enjoy this. That's a live Dann Bove would too, maybe even more. I chose Jeannette though because at one point they sang Oasis, Wonderwall. That song will eternally remind me of Netter.

I miss you Jeannette... as I do all my friends!

no this is not from the dueling piano show.. it's just so you too can relive this song

inspiration upon a toilet

2008-05-08T16:13:00.000-07:00

As I debated the past couple of days whether to really start a blog, I fnally decided to actually set it up. I couldn't decided the title or even what to call the link. So I sat and pondered between my patients with a blank mind.

Then, I had to poo.

And as I sat on the toilet, the inspiration for the blog all came to me. And I was happy.

Sometimes it takes a little movement to cause a flood of inspiration.

:-D I'm sick.