denver thoughts still linger

Happy Fourth! Sadly I'm at work so no fireworks for me. It kind of sucks because everyone was out bar be queing and drinking and I had to nap and go to work. This hospital is alright, rather on the quiet side (hope I didn't just jinks myself!) No where near the acuity like the patients at Hahnemann.

San Diego is amazing. I have very very mixed views that have been clouding my mind. I have met some awesome friends though. It is odd because I am getting into a routine and way of life out. A few months ago I felt like a tourist, infact I would say up until I moved to PB (Pacific Beach), I felt that way. Now I never really lived anywhere but Philly area, so i'm sure those of you who have moved away know have had the same feelings. I missing have my close friends by my side. It is so comforting to have people that have known me for years, versus only a few months.

I didn't think I would enjoy San Diego as much as I do. I know I don't want to live here forever, but I will come back again. I should have went other places first that I knew I would not necessarily want to stay longer, so I would continue my traveling! Grant it, who knows what the months to come will bring. A part of me is excited to go home, but upset that I will leave here and the friends i have meet here. I wish I wasn't even thinking about it because it is still a few months away. But it has been on my mind. When i was in Denver last weekend, I laid in bed thinking about all my friends. It stirred something inside me. I have friends from so many different aspects of my life.. high school, college, nursing school, work... some I get to see everyday (well when I was back home) and others only a couple times a year. I always wish i could spend more time with everyone, especially those dear to me but I only get to see few times a year. My thoughts mademe realize how many people have affected my life, how some are still in my life but others are no longer.

It is interesting being here for what I felt was temporary. The people I have meet here I semi viewed as temporary in the beginning but now that has changed. They have become a part of my life. I share feelings, thoughts and laughs with them. My heart goes out to them. I am blessed to be able to call them friends. It is funny how life works sometimes. Where life will take you. And who you will meet on the way. What I thought was going to be just a short life in a straneg town across the country, has grown into my new home away from home.

I am new to traveling nurses. I am new to living in an area not familiar to me. Although I may struggle emotionally, which when do I ever not, in the end I know I am exactly where I am suppose to be. My heart misses back home, my soul is feeling fulfilled, well partially. I still struggle with what I want to do with my life. I know it is time for a change, not just hospital change. I want to try something completely different in Nursing. When I come back to San Diego I think I will apply to the Health Department and become a public health nurse. Bedside nursing is alright, my patients always seem to love me, most of them. I do not feel completely satisified by my work.

Hopefully now that I let this all stream out of me it will drop out of my mind for the next 2 months. I still have plenty of time in San Diego and in the end I control when I leave and when I come back. I don't need to be worry about something that I have no control over.